Now or Never
by LivForever
Summary: It's a struggle to maintain something that's so fragile. With the worry of her health and their child, Elliot doesn't know how much longer he can take it.
1. Chapter 1

Things to know: I'm trying a different approach with this story and I'm starting it without a backstory. The backstory gets played out more toward the end of the story so, you will know how everything hapthat happened before. (You will hopefully understand what I mean after you finish this chapter.)

It had been fourteen years since Olivia had last had cancer and now Julie was a teenager. Elliot and Olivia were happier than ever that they had the opportunity to adopt and they wouldn't have changed it for the world. They were finally getting their happy ever after. They had each other, whom they loved dearly and they had their wonderful daughter. Olivia's cancer was gone and the only worries they had was their job and their family.

Julie was happy too. She loved her mom and dad more than anything and she respected them for working at Manhattan Special Victims Unit. She was especially grateful that they had wanted a child.

"Mom! I'm home from school!" Julie called as she sat her books down on the kitchen counter.

"Hey Jule," Olivia said as she finished putting her jacket on. She was frantically rushing around the house looking for her shoes.

"Why are you in such a hurry?" Julie asked.

"I have a doctor's appointment I'm late for," Olivia answered, "Your dad should be home early from work tonight and we are going out to dinner to celebrate your 'A' on the science project."

Julie smiled at how her mother looked as she rushed around the house making sure she hadn't forgotten anything. Once she found her shoes she slipped them on and gave Julie a kiss on the cheek and then made her way out of the door.

Olivia sat patiently in the waiting area at the doctor's office where she was worrying herself about the results of the mammogram. When she saw her Oncologist, Anne, approaching she noticed that her heart was picking up it's pace. She was super nervous about the results. She hated thinking about the fact that it could come back at any time. She got up and walked toward Anne when Anne had called her name.

"Have a seat," Anne said kindly, sitting down behind her desk.

Olivia sat down in the comfy green chair that was sat across from Anne and folded her hands tightly in her lap. The look on Anne's face wasn't too promising that things were going good. "I'm really hoping for some good news," Olivia said after taking a deep breath.

"Olivia…" Anne said in a shaky voice, "I'm so sorry."

Olivia let out a huge breath she didn't know she had been holding and her eyes started to turn that glossy color of pink. "I-I don't understand. I did everything right. Are you… are you sure?"

Anne nodded, confirming Olivia's worst fear. She let the tears flow down her cheeks as Anne explained the prognosis.

"I have to do chemotherapy again?" Olivia asked. She remembered what it had been like last time when she had to go through this. She had lost her hair and she was tired and in pain all of the time. She thought all of that was finally behind her. After she got married and had adopted Julie, she thought that her life would end in happiness.

"Once a cancer patient has relapsed," Anne said taking Olivia's hand in hers, "It's harder to receive remission. Chemotherapy is a strong drug and hopefully it will be more effective."

Anne sat quietly for a few moments while Olivia continued to let out her silent cries. Anne had been an oncologist for twenty-three years and it never got easier. She hated when she had to tell her patients they had cancer; especially her favorite ones and especially if it was a relapse.

"Again, Olivia, I'm really sorry."

At the precinct, Elliot was just finishing up some paperwork when his cell phone started ringing from his pocket. "Hey beautiful," he said answering the phone.

Knowing that Olivia had to tell Elliot that she had cancer again made her heart want to shatter into a million pieces. She had already had it happen once, she didn't understand why she had to go through it again.

"Elliot, I just got back from my doctor's appointment."

"Liv," Elliot said starting to get worried, "Are you crying?"

"El," Olivia said on the other end of the phone, "The cancer is back."

There was a moment of silence as both of them relived the first time this had happened. They had just gotten together at the time and things were tough but, they got through it. They always did.

"Anne said that once a cancer patient relapses it's harder to achieve remission." Olivia's voice shook as she continued to tell Elliot what Anne had said.

"Where are you?" Elliot asked, "You shouldn't be by yourself."

"I'm outside the precinct in my car," Olivia answered, "I really need to see you."

"I'm on my way."

In the elevator on the way downstairs, Elliot started thinking about the day he proposed. He loved Olivia with all of his heart and he couldn't imagine spending the rest of his life without her. Things had really cleared up for them after the wedding and he didn't think they would come back. But now, in this moment, it was back and this time they had Julie.

When Elliot got outside the first thing he did was gently pull Olivia out of the car and wrap his arms around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and he could hear her sobbing. He felt the tears starting to seep through his shirt. He started playing with her hair and whispering to her that everything would be okay.

"How are we going to tell Julie?" Olivia cried.

"We will tell her together," Elliot said kissing her forehead, "You don't have to do this alone and you never will."

Olivia nodded and appreciated the moment of safeness she felt while she was entangled in Elliot's arms.

When Elliot and Olivia had arrived home later that day, Julie was sitting on the couch doing her homework. "Hey guys, how was work?"

Elliot sighed, "Jules, your mother and I have something we need to talk to you about."

Julie sat her pencil down in her math book so she wouldn't lose her page and then she closed her book shut. "What's wrong?"

Olivia sat down on the couch next to Julie and Elliot sat on the other side of Olivia. He held her hand while she worked up the courage to tell Julie what was going on.

"Well, you know that your mom had a doctor's appointment today," Elliot said starting the conversation.

Julie was starting to worry. She didn't think she could handle if something happened to her mom. She loved her too much and just couldn't bare the fact if something was seriously wrong.

"Mom?" Julie asked turning her attention toward Olivia, "What's going on? Is everything okay?"

"I have breast cancer," Olivia said quickly. It was like ripping off a band aid.

Julie felt her heart begin beating faster in her chest, "What? I don't understand! How… are you sure?"

Olivia reached over and put her hand on Julie's leg, "I'm sure."  
Julie started crying, "No! You're my mom! You can't have cancer!"

Seeing Julie act the way she was acting made Olivia's heart ache even more. She couldn't take it. She pulled Julie close to her for a tight hug before she got up and walked to her room, closing the door behind her.

Elliot knew that Olivia needed time to process everything. He knew that he had to be the rock in the house. For Olivia and Julie both.

"Jules," Elliot said standing up, "She's really upset and we just need to be there for her whenever she needs our help. She's tough though. She's beat it before and I have faith that she can do it again."

"She's had cancer before?" Julie asked wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Before we adopted you," Elliot began, "Before you were even born she was diagnosed. We had just gotten together at the time when it all happened and that's what made us stronger."

"Can you tell me the story of how you guys got together?" Julie asked.

"It's a long story," Elliot answered placing extra emphasis on the word 'long.' "I'll tell you someday but, right now I need to go make sure your mother's okay."

Julie understood and gave Elliot a hug before she went to her room to go to sleep. After the terrible news that the family received, they decided to skip dinner and just go to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day when Elliot woke up to take Julie to school, Olivia was still asleep. He didn't want to wake her because he knew she hadn't had much sleep the night before. He got up quietly and slipped on his day clothes while being careful not to make too much noise. He walked into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face to wake him up, then he went into the kitchen.

"Did you eat breakfast?" he asked Julie when he noticed she was lying on the couch.

"I had a slice of toast and some orange juice," Julie answered sitting up, "Are you going to tell me the story of how you and mom met now?"

Elliot smiled as he put the carton of juice back into the fridge. He had forgotten all about that, "Not yet."

"Why?" she asked beginning to whine, "I want to know what it was like! Did it involve making love?"

"No," Elliot said sternly, "Now get your jacket and let's go before we are both late."  
Elliot pulled up into the drop off circle at Roosevelt High and watched as Julie walked inside. It was then he realized that she had grown up right before his eyes. It seemed like just yesterday that him and Olivia had gotten Julie. He came back to reality and realized that all of the cars behind him were honking because he was holding up the line. He laughed to himself and then drove away.

Meanwhile back at the apartment, Olivia was just climbing out of bed. She didn't want to get up but she knew she had to. She wanted to stay in bed under the covers for the rest of her life and not have to face the fact that she had cancer again.

She swung her feet over the edge of the bed and slipped on her house shoes so her feet wouldn't touch the cold hardwood floor. She walked to the bathroom and washed her face and brushed her teeth. She was just about done brushing when she caught a good glimpse of herself in the mirror. She knew that pretty soon she would lose her hair again and her body would start going through dramatic changes.

"Damn cancer," she mumbled as she slammed the mirror cabinet close.

She walked back into her bedroom and looked at her clock that red 7:30 in red neon numbers. She had thirty minutes to get ready and head to work. There was no way she would make it in time. She scrambled to get dressed and hurried out the door.

Elliot was already sitting at his desk working when Olivia came walking in. Her eyes were red from lack of sleep and she didn't have that usual pep in her step.

"Good morning." Elliot sat a cup of coffee down on her desk in front of her and kissed her on top of her head, "How did you sleep?"

Olivia sighed, "I didn't."

Elliot was about to say something when Captain Cragen walked in with Detective Munch following him.

"We have a lead on Meredith Crenshaw, a man on 42nd street called in and said he saw her with an older man at _So Cheesy_about ten minutes ago. Munch and Stabler I want you two to sit this man down with a sketch artist. Benson and Fin, I need you two to start searching the area. He couldn't have gone far in ten minutes. Let's save this little girl."

The four detectives nodded and headed out to their posts. "You wanna drive or do you want me to?"

"You can drive," Benson answered, "I'm not feeling well today."

Fin gave her a look of concern and slid into the driver's seat, "I know I'm not your precious Elliot but, do you want to talk about it?"

Olivia let out a chuckle, "I went to the doctor yesterday for a check-up and…" she let her sentence trail off.

"Liv, what's the matter?"  
"The cancer's back," she said quietly.

"Man, Baby Girl, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Olivia said wiping a tear before it fell.

"I hate to break the moment," Fin said sympathetically, "But that looks like Meredith," Fin said as he turned onto a side street.

Fin pulled the car over to a stop and Olivia jumped out pulling her gun out and shouting, "NYPD, STOP!"

The man that was holding Meredith started running, dragging Meredith with him down the alley. Olivia and Fin took off running so they wouldn't lose him. The man jumped over bags of trash bags and stairwells to try to escape but Olivia and Fin were trained well. When the perp got to the top of a building he dangled Meredith over the edge. Olivia could hear Meredith's cries so she stood back and kept her gun fixated on the man.

"Get away from me or I drop her," the man said.

Olivia kept her gun pointed while Fin snuck up behind him. "You know I can't let you do that."  
The man was panting from running so much but he didn't budge at putting Meredith down.

"Now Fin!" Olivia yelled.

Fin jumped on top of the man knocking Meredith into Olivia's arms.

"It's okay Sweetie," Olivia said in her nurturing voice, "You're safe now."

Olivia sat Meredith in the back of the Sedan and called a bus to get her and make sure she was okay. She then went to help Fin cuff the perp. She kneed him in the back while Fin slapped the cuffs on his wrists.

"You're under arrest for kidnapping. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney," Olivia read.

Since the bus wasn't at the location yet, Olivia stayed behind with Meredith while Fin took the perp to Riker's.

"Did the man hurt you?" Olivia asked once they were in the ambulance.

Meredith's lips started quivering as she started thinking about what that man did to her, "I don't want to talk about it."

"I know you don't want to talk about it Sweetie," Olivia said, "But if he did bad things you need to tell us so we can punish him." Olivia was trying her best to comfort the small child while the EMT bandaged some lacerations to her head.

"He made me play dress up," Meredith said while squeezing Olivia's hand.

Olivia knew where this was going. She had heard a million stories just like this before. She hated the fact that people could actually do this; especially to children.

"What else Sweetie?" she asked, "You're doing real well."

"He… He sat on top of me and it hurt really bad!" Meredith was in tears now.

"It's okay," Olivia comforted, "You're safe now. He can't hurt you anymore."  
Meredith sniffled and nodded in agreement.

At the hospital, Olivia made sure she told Meredith's doctors that she needed a rape kit and they needed to send it to M.E Warner. Once that was over with, Olivia made her way back to the precinct and reunited Meredith with her mother.

"Tough case?" Elliot asked when he saw that she was rubbing her temples. She looked up and just stared at him.

"Yeah," she finally said, "Meredith said that there were more kids where she was staying so, she's coming back tomorrow to tell us what she remembers."

"We should go home too," Elliot said slipping his blazer on, "It's getting late."

"You go ahead," Olivia yawned, "I just have to finish some paperwork and I'll be right behind you."

"Liv, you can do that tomorrow. You're exhausted and you need sleep."

"El, I'm okay. It's just paperwork."  
Elliot didn't want to leave Olivia at work but, he knew that she was never going to give in so, he kissed her goodbye and told her that he would see her at home.


	3. Chapter 3

Back at the house Elliot was ordering Chinese food for him and Julie. He decided that now was as good of time as ever to tell her what was going to be happening with her mom.

"Julie! I'm ordering Chinese for dinner!" Elliot was fumbling with the phone book trying to look for the number when Julie came walking in wearing her favorite fuzzy pajamas.

"Is Mom coming home for dinner?" Julie couldn't help but think about her mom. She didn't want anything to happen to her. She didn't even want to believe it was really true, that her mom, the person whom she loved so much, could have cancer.

"I don't think so sweetie. She's finishing up some paper work."

"Oh."

Elliot noticed that Julie hadn't been her normal self lately. Usually she was loud and smiling and making sure everyone in the house was having a good time. She never showed her feelings, just like her mother. "Something bothering you?"

"I think you should invite Lizzie, Maureen, and Kathleen over tomorrow." Julie was purposely avoiding the question. Elliot couldn't help but let out a silent chuckle at the fact that Julie was just like his precious wife.

"I was thinking that we could invite them over on Friday and tell them about your mother."

Julie sighed, "Is Mom gonna be okay?"

Elliot let out a deep breath as he slammed the phone book shut, "I think we should have a talk about that."

"I know about cancer Dad I'm not dumb," Julie rolled her eyes as she fumbled with her socks.

"You're far from dumb," Elliot said walking to couch motioning Julie to come too.

"Then why do we have to talk about it?"

"Once Liv starts chemo, she's going to get really sick. She will lose her hair and she will lose a lot of weight. She will hardly be able to eat. It's going to be really tough for her." Elliot paused for a moment and took a look into Rosie's eyes. He saw that she was trying to put up a strong front. Deep down he knew he needed to get him to let it out rather than bottle it all up.

"Last time when she was sick she passed out a couple times and you know how stubborn your mom is, she didn't ever want to go to the hospital."

Julie had finally let her walls come down. The first tear had slipped from her eye and she tried to wipe it away before Elliot saw.

"It's okay to let it out sometimes Julie," Elliot comforted, "Come here." He held his arms open that showed Julie she could always come to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and let the tears down.

"I don't want Mom to die!"

"Shh, it's okay. We are going to help her pull through this. I promise you, everything will be alright."

Olivia was just finishing up her last file of paper work when Cragen walked out of his office, "You still here?"

"Just catching up on some paper work," Olivia sighed wiping the tiredness from her eyes.

"Go home Liv, get some rest. You can come back tomorrow."

"Goodnight Captain."

Walking up the stairs to the front door of her fairly new house she realized just how tired she really was. She was dragging her feet up the steps and could barely keep her eyes open. When she walked inside and took off her jacket she saw that Elliot and Julie were talking on the couch.

"Did I interrupt something?" Olivia showed a hint of a smile at the sight of seeing her wonderful family. The family she never thought she would have.

"No," Elliot stretched his arms above his head and yawned, "We were just having a little father daughter talk."

Olivia nodded her head as she walked farther in to her comforting home. She took her gun and her badge off and put them on top of the fridge along with Elliot's. She walked into her bedroom to change out of her work clothes when she looked at her bed taunting her to crawl under the covers and sleep. Pulling the shirt off over her head Elliot quietly came in and kissed her by surprise on the neck.

"You are so beautiful," Elliot kissed her again and this time she turned around and surprised him with a kiss on the lips.

"I love you, but right now I just want to sleep."

Elliot lowered his head. He understood that he needed to respect Olivia's wishes, "I talked to Julie today about your cancer."

Olivia paused for a moment before crawling under the covers, "Oh yeah?"

"She's really worried," Elliot didn't want to push Olivia to tears, he just wanted to be honest with her this time around.

Olivia bit her bottom lip and turned her head away from Elliot. He could hear that she was sobbing and she was trying to hide it from him. He reached over and pulled her into his arms, "Liv."

"I was scared last time when I got sick," Olivia wasn't hiding the tears anymore, "This time I'm not scared about what's going to happen to me. I'm scared that I'm not going to get to see Julie grow up!"

"Hey, hey, hey," Elliot was rubbing his hand on Liv's face and wiping the tears away as they fell, "The only think you need to worry about right now is getting better. Julie understands that you will be sick for a while and I promise you that IF, and that is a huge IF Olivia, that if something happens to you then I will make sure that Julie is okay."

"Oh Elliot," Olivia sighed as Elliot continued to play with her hair, "I don't understand why this is happening. Nothing can ever just go right..." She let the rest of her sentence trail off as her breathing pattern began to even out. Elliot knew she was asleep so he carefully moved her onto her side of the bed and covered her up making sure she was comfortable. He wanted to snuggle up close to Olivia and sleep to but he knew that the day ahead of them was going to be tough and he needed to make sure everything was ready.

The sun began to stream in through the window and Elliot started stirring as he looked over at the bedside table to see what time it was. Time to take Julie to school. Elliot figured that is was best for Julie to go to school even though Liv was taking chemo because it was already going to be hard. Olivia didn't need Julie there and Julie didn't need to see her mother that way.

"I just want you to know that Mom's first chemo treatment is today." Elliot backed out of the driveway trying not to make direct contact with Rosie. "She will probably be in bed all night but everything will be okay."

"I know Dad, it'll be okay. I'm going to be strong for Mom. I promise."

Elliot knew what Julie was saying without her saying it. He had one smart kid.

"Liv, calm down." It didn't go unnoticed that Olivia was nervous. Her hands were shaking and she was staring off into the distance at nothing. Olivia sighed when Anne came out to call her back to begin the appointment.

"Before we start the chemotherapy I just want to make sure that you know that just because you have to do this again doesn't mean you won't make it through again. It just means we have to fight harder. I know you know what that's like Detective Benson."

Olivia smiled. She liked to be called Detective Benson. It was a strong name that suited her because she was a strong person.

"Are you ready to begin?"

Olivia nodded her head as Anne began to insert the needle into Olivia's arm, "It'll only sting for a few seconds."

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut as Anne inserted the needle into the vein on her left arm. Elliot was sitting beside her holding her hand the whole time.

At school Julie knew that her mom was going through chemo and it was hard for her to concentrate during math class. She knew she needed to pay attention but she just couldn't seem to keep her brain from drifting off.

"Julie?"

She could hear someone calling her name but didn't recognize the voice as she was far gone in her mind.

"Julie? Is everything okay?"

Julie was startled and finally came back to reality. She looked around and saw that she was the only one left in the classroom. Her teacher was sitting next to her looking at her with concerned blue eyes.

"I...I'm, I'm sorry."

Mrs. Adams showed a slight smile, "Julie if you need to talk to someone you know that you can talk to me about anything.

Julie knew that she could trust Mrs. Adams, after all she was her favorite teacher. She wanted to tell someone what was happening with her mother but she didn't want to tell her friends. They wouldn't understand. She wanted to tell an adult who would understand. Julie sighed and looked down at her shoes, "My mom has breast cancer..."

Julie could tell that Mrs. Adams was very sorry. Her whole body showed it no matter how much she tried to hide it.

"Julie," Mrs. Adams shifted uncomfortably in the seat, "I'm really sorry about your mother. Is there anything that I can do?"

Julie shook her head, "She's too stubborn to let anybody help her."

"If you ever need to talk again my doors always open." Mrs. Adams gave Julie a hug and then wrote her a pass to her next class, "Tell your mom I said get well soon."


	4. Chapter 4

Back at the hospital Olivia was starting to feel the effects of the treatment. Her stomach was starting to churn and her heart began to beat in her temples. She tried to go to sleep so it wouldn't have to be as bad but nothing was making it go away.

"El," she said in barely a whisper, her eyes still closed, "I need..."

Elliot knew what Olivia needed even though she didn't get to finish her sentence before the vomit came. Elliot had handed her the basin just in time. When the vomiting spell was over Elliot went to get a cold rag and placed it over Liv's forehead, "Not much longer before you're done."

Liv appreciated everything that Elliot was doing for her but sometimes she wondered if he ever resented her for getting cancer. He wanted a happily ever after just as bad as she did but the cancer came back and now neither one of them had gotten what they'd hoped for.

"You did very well Olivia," Anne said as she carefully took the IV out of Liv's arm, "Your next appointment will be tomorrow at 10:15."

Olivia nodded her head and sat up to leave but quickly sat back down as the room begun to spin. She put her hands to her head to try and steady it before she stood back up but it was no use.

"Let me help." Elliot let Olivia use his arm for support as they made their way to the car.

"Are you gonna be okay for the ride home?" Elliot could tell the effects of the chemo had already started to take a toll on Liv. She was resting her head against the headrest with her eyes closed trying not to show Elliot that she was about to throw up.

"I'll be fine El?" It was more a question than an answer.

The next morning had started off on a bad note, Olivia wasn't feeling good and Elliot knew it but she still insisted on going to work. Julie had woken up with a fever so she had to stay home from school and they didn't want her staying home alone.

"Liv," Elliot said. He could feel the blood beginning to boil in his veins as his frustration began to increase, "Please stay home today. You aren't feeling well."

"Elliot I just want to go to work one last day. I'll be fine. Wouldn't you rather me go now instead of when I'm worse?"

"I guess you're right." Elliot knew he wasn't going to win this argument and it did make sense to him that she wanted to go to work before she physically couldn't. "I'll stay at home with Julie."

"Thanks El." Olivia smiled and leaned in closer to Elliot before pulling away leaving Elliot with a confused look on his face.

"I thought you were going to kiss me."

Olivia couldn't help but giggle, "I was, but then I changed my mind."

Elliot raised an eyebrow, "Why? My kisses aren't good enough?"

"Your kisses are amazing," Olivia said as she slipped into her work clothes, "But I want something else."

Elliot knew that Olivia was hinting at him to kiss her first, "Well, I suppose that I could kiss you."

He stood up from the bed and took his shirt off. He walked over toward Olivia and put his hands on her face gently, pulling her forward until their lips met. Olivia could feel the passion in his kiss and they locked tongues. Olivia smiled, "I'm going to be late for work."

"We still have ten minutes together," Elliot said as he was pulling Olivia towards the bed. Before he thought about the pain Olivia was in he pushed her down on the bed and climbed in next to her. He immediately regretted it as he heard her wince. "Oh Liv I'm sorry! I forgot! I'm sorry!"

"It's okay." Olivia did feel a little pain shoot in her spine because the chemo made her bones feel weak but she knew he didn't mean to so she played it off, "Really, you didn't hurt me."

"You're a bad liar." Elliot had his serious face on now because he hated when Olivia didn't show her emotions to him. He could understand it before when they weren't dating but now they were married and he wanted her to share like he always shared with her.

Olivia sat up on the bed and continued to get ready for work, "I have to go. I'll see you later." She gently planted a kiss on Elliot's cheek and left the room.

At the 16th precinct it was fairly calm. Detective Munch was making coffee and talking to Fin about his conspiracy theories. Fin was trying to block him out by listening to his ipod but Munch just wouldn't shut up. Olivia couldn't help but laugh at them. They had all become really good friends since Olivia had first gotten there. They knew about each others personal lives enough to know that nobody had it easy. They also took their job seriously and did a great deal of working together.

"Hey Liv," Fin said pulling the ear phones out of his ears, "Can you tell this old grandpa to shut the hell up?"

Olivia laughed, "I would but it wouldn't be any good."

"I take offense to that!" Munch said finally ending his conversation about conspiracies.

"It got you to stop talking about it," Olivia fired back.  
They all laughed and this was unusual for the SVU team. Their job was a depressing job that caused most of them to be affected. Olivia was the one who bonded with the victims and got them to open up. Fin was the one who didn't stop until he got the case done. Munch was the one who knew everything about everything and Elliot was the one who could beat a confession out of anyone. They all had their special qualities that made them good detectives.

Just as the laughter was coming to a halt Captain Cragen walked in, "I Julie you guys weren't too busy."

"We got a case?" Fin asked as he turned around in his chair to face the captain.

"24 year old female was raped and badly beaten early this morning in Central Park. Some teenagers were walking through the park on their way home and found her and called the police. The woman's name is Jenna Hansen."

"Fin, Munch you guys go to the hospital and get Jenna's statement. Benson I need you to go meet Warner at the crime scene."

They all nodded to show they understand their assignments and they would begin them effected immediately.

"What do we got?" Olivia asked arriving at the scene.

"We have a dead body."

Olivia looked confused, "I thought Jenna was at the hospital?"

"She is," Warner replied, "This isn't Jenna." Melinda Warner pulled back the tarp over the dead body to give Olivia a peak. Olivia cringed at the sight. She could never wrap her head around why people did these things.

"I'll get her to my office and I'll let you know when I find out more."

Olivia nodded and then got in her car to make her way to Mercy Hospital.

Back at home Elliot was tending to Julie since she wasn't feeling very well. He made her breakfast and brought it to her room.

"I'm not sick Dad," Julie said sitting up.

"What do you mean?"

"I was never sick. I didn't want to go to school because I didn't want to leave mom, but she went to work."

"Oh Julie," Elliot sighed as he sat down on the edge of Julie's purple polka dotted bed.

"I'm sorry! I just wanted to spend time with her ya know?"

Elliot could tell that Julie was distraught and he was at a loss for words.

"I know." Elliot didn't know what else to say, "Mom's gonna be okay. She's a big girl."

"I know that," Julie said as her eyes filled with tears. She didn't dare let one drop. "I do. I just wanted to spend time with her before things got really bad. I did some research on cancer and I don't want her to have to go through that! I don't want her to die!"

Julie had failed at keeping the tears in and Elliot's heart was cracking for his youngest daughter. He knew that things would be difficult for Julie to process that her mom was sick just like it was hard for them to process the first time. He knew but he hadn't prepared himself as to what Julie would say.

"Julie, I can't promise you that she won't die." Hearing those words come out of his mouth made him want to throw up, "I CAN promise you that I will try my damn hardest to make sure she fights until there isn't any fight left in her."

"I know that she'll fight," Julie said, "She will fight even when there is no fight left but, that doesn't stop my worrying."

"It doesn't stop mine either." Elliot had given Julie one last hug before she got of the couch to go into her room. Elliot stood up and shook his head. Things were getting harder already and Olivia was barely sick. He knew it was going to be a long and hard fight for everyone.

Elliot plopped back down on the couch before taking out his cell phone and dialing Liv's number.

"Hello?"

"Liv, we need to talk."

"Can it wait?" Olivia was angry that Elliot had called her at work when he knows how busy they get.

"No. It can't wait because Julie isn't sick. She skipped school today because she wanted to stay home and spend time with you. She is so worried that you won't be okay."

Elliot could hear that Olivia was upset by the sigh he heard her make, "I'll ask Cragen if I can come home early then."

"Olivia Benson," Elliot said finally bringing back the smile on his face, "I love you."

"I love you too," she said back. Her perfectly white teeth were shining as she hung up the phone.

Olivia couldn't believe that Julie would skip school just to stay at home with her. She knew that Julie loved her but she also knew that Julie cared a great deal about school and couldn't stand when she missed a day. She quickly told Cragen everything that was going on and he understood and granted her time off. He knew how much Julie meant to her.

When Olivia walked in the doorway of her house Julie was sitting on the couch watching TV. "What are you doing home?"

"I figured that we could spend some time together since you didn't go to school today. If you're feeling up to it that is," Olivia smiled.

"I'd love too."

"I was thinking we could go to the Museum," Olivia suggested, "You're dad took me there when we first started dating. We had a good time."

"I don't know," Julie said as she flipped off the TV.

"Aw, come on. It'll be fun."

Julie smiled at her mom's effort to have fun with her. She liked when they hung out together. All of her friends at school always talked about how they didn't like their moms because they were boring and they never got what they wanted. Julie loved her mom though and she didn't dare talk about her behind her back. She thought she was the coolest mom ever and she would rather hang out with her than her friends; especially now that she could die.

"That's cool," Julie said pointing to a blue and red painting that was hanging on one of the walls.

"Look at that one," Olivia said, "Looks like something a kindergartener made."

Julie smiled, "Yeah because every kindergartener can draw perfect circles. Can I ask you something?"

"Now?" Olivia asked as she thought about what could be on her daughter's mind.

"No, I'll ask later, but don't let me forget! It's important."

"I won't let you forget." Olivia couldn't help but smile at serious Julie had sounded. She sounded just like her when she was trying to get a confession out of someone in interrogation.

At first, Julie was a little hesitant about doing the hands on experiments at the museum. There were a lot of people out there and she didn't want someone to make fun of her work. Olivia grabbed the first piece of canvas paper and then handed one to Julie.

"Ahh!" Julie screamed, "This is difficult."

"Do you want to go?" Olivia asked.

"No," Julie said, "I'm having fun."

Before long, Julie had gotten the hang of things and they were both painting away trying their best so they could win the cash prize. They were having such a blast that they got caught up in time and realized that they were suppose to meet Elliot for dinner almost 20 minutes ago.

"We better go," Olivia said placing her paint brush down, "Your dad is going to kick my butt."

Julie chuckled, "Nah. He loves you too much."

"You're probably right," Olivia laughed, "Let's not keep him waiting any longer though."

XXX

"Where have you two been?" Elliot asked relieved that they had finally showed up to dinner.

"Sorry Dad," Julie said, "We were at the museum."

That was all Julie needed to say and Elliot understood, "How did that go?"

"It was great," Olivia smiled, "It really was."

"I already ordered everybody's favorite pizza," Elliot said, "It should be ready any minute."

Olivia sat down in the booth next to Elliot and grabbed a hold of his hand before giving him a kiss on the cheek and Julie slid into the booth across from them.

"I need to talk to you guys about something," Julie said as the waiter brought over their pizzas.

"What is it sweetie?" Elliot asked taking a bite.

"I uh- it can wait until later."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked, "If you need to talk about something you can talk to us about anything."

"I'll just tell you later," Julie said taking her first bite.

"Okay," Elliot said.

After dinner, when they all went home for the night, Olivia was feeling tired from being out all day. She just wanted to crawl in her bed and go to sleep. She walked in and went straight to her bedroom with Elliot following behind her. Julie locked up the door and put her purse in the room and then knocked on their bedroom door lightly, "Mom? Dad?"

"What is it sweetie?" she heard her mom call through the door.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah go ahead," Olivia answered again.

"I've been putting this off all day but, I need to talk to you about something."

"Come here," Olivia said motioning for Julie to sit on the bed. "What is it?"

"I don't want you to die," Julie blurted out.

"Julie..." Olivia whispered, "I'm not going anywhere."

"You don't know that!" Julie cried, "Something could happen and I can't lose you! I can't lose my mom!"

"Julie stop it," Elliot interrupted.

"El, let her talk," Olivia said.

"I love you," Julie said letting the tears stream down her face.

"I love you too," Olivia whispered as Julie laid her head on her mom's shoulder.


	5. Chapter 5

It was the last day of school and Julie couldn't have been more excited. She was glad that she would be able to spend more time with her mom and be able to take care of her when she needed it.

"Hey," Julie said after tapping on the bedroom door lightly. When Olivia replied she pushed the cracked door open and walked in to sit on the edge of the bed, "How are you feeling today?"

Olivia sighed and gave Julie a sad smile. She felt the tears brimming in her eyes but she didn't want to cry. "I'm okay," she lied.

Julie gave her a look of disappointment, "No you aren't," she said sadly, "Please, just tell me the truth."

Olivia licked her chapped lips and turned her head away from Julie and toward the window, "I'm just tired," she said quietly, "So tired."

Julie reached over to Olivia's hand and held it in her hers. She didn't say anything because she didn't need to. Olivia knew how much Julie loved and cared about her getting better and Julie knew how much Olivia loved her and cared about getting to see her grow up.

"Do you want to try to eat something?" Julie asked after a few minutes, "I could make some soup or maybe just some crackers?"

Olivia shook her head, "I don't think I can eat anything right now. Thank you though."

"You don't have to thank me," Julie said, "I'm your daughter."

Olivia smiled, "Yes, you are."

"Dad called while you were asleep," Julie informed, "He said that he was coming home early tonight and he would cook dinner. He said to tell you that he picked up your prescription and would bring it home with him."

Olivia nodded, "Okay. I think I'm going to go back to sleep now," she said sadly, "Are you going to be okay?"

Julie nodded, "Of course. I'll be fine. You just rest up." Julie gave Olivia a kiss on the cheek and refilled her glass of ice water in case she got thirsty.

Julie left Olivia's bedroom and walked into the living room where she plopped down on the couch and propped her feet up on the Audubon. She started thinking about when she was younger and Olivia and her would have the best of times.

_"You better run!" Olivia hollered, "I'm coming to getcha'!"_

_ Julie was running around in the backyard as fast as her three year old legs would carry her. She ran around the swing set and finally into the arms of a very happy Olivia._

_ "I gotcha!" Olivia started tickling Julie on her tummy and Julie remembered just laughing as hard as she could._

Julie felt a tear slip down her cheek and she reached up to wipe it away. She wasn't done making memories yet. It was too soon. She sighed and leaned her head back against a pillow and waited for Elliot to arrive home.

"Hey," Elliot said walking into the house and sitting his things down on the kitchen table, "How was your day?"

Julie lifted her head up and turned her attention to Elliot, "Mom's been in bed all day," she answered, "I tried to get her to eat something but she couldn't keep any of it down. She's really tired so I let her sleep."

Elliot sighed and walked over to where Julie was sitting and sat down next to her, "She'll be okay. This is just the affects of the chemo."

Julie sighed, "Right."

Elliot got up to take Olivia her medicine that was suppose to help with the nausea. Julie followed him because she hadn't been in to see Olivia in the past hour.

"Hey," Elliot said gently placing his hand on her shoulder, "How ya feeling?"

"Better," Olivia said sitting up, "I had a good doctor all day." Olivia winked at Julie and Julie felt a sense of pride. She liked taking care of her mother, she just wished it was under different circumstances.

"Here's your medicine," Elliot said opening the orange pill bottle and placing two small pills into the palm of Olivia's hand, "They should help."  
Olivia popped the pills into her mouth and downed them with a drink of her tea. "Thanks."

"I'm going to go ahead and make some dinner," Elliot said, "Chicken Noodle Soup."

"I think I want to try and eat again," Olivia said pushing the covers off of her and attempting to stand up. She stopped and grabbed onto the bedside table after she felt a wave of dizziness come across her. She brought her free hand to her head to try and stop it.

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked seeing that something was wrong.

"I'm fine," Olivia said weakly, "Just a little dizzy."

"Maybe you should let me help you," Elliot said walking to the other side of the bed.

"I'm fine," Olivia insisted, "Really."

Elliot didn't believe her but, he didn't want to make her feel like an invalid. "Okay," he said simply, "I'll go start on dinner."

Elliot walked out of the room and Julie followed him leaving Olivia to go into the bathroom by herself. Julie liked when her and Elliot got to cook dinner together because she thought he was the best cook in the world.

"I'll cook the noodles," Julie said grabbing a box of spiral noodles from the pantry, "You cook the chicken."

Back in the master bathroom, Olivia was standing in front of the mirror. Her hair was a mess from staying in bed all day so she reached for her brush. She ran the brush through her hair only one time and that's when she saw the clump of golden brown hair fall into the sink. She brushed again and more hair came falling out. She started crying and suddenly she was overcome with anger. She threw the brush at the mirror causing it to shatter and causing Elliot and Julie to come busting in.

"What happened?" Elliot asked seeing the glass on the floor and Olivia crying.

Julie ran straight over to her and wrapped her arms tightly around her. "It's okay Mommy," she said sadly, "It's okay."

"My hair," Olivia said sadly, "I went to brush it and it just came falling out."

"Honey…"

"I thought I would be used to it but, I just got so angry. Sorry about the mirror."

"Don't apologize," Elliot said placing his hand on the small of her back and rubbing it, "It's okay."

Olivia gave Julie a kiss on the top of her head and then Julie pulled away. "You still look beautiful," she said, "Anyone would be lucky to look like you."

A smile grew on Olivia's face, "Thank you, Sweetie."

"How about you go check on dinner?" Elliot asked Julie.

She nodded and left the room, understanding that Elliot wanted to talk to Olivia alone.

"You want to tell me what's really bothering you?" Elliot asked helping Olivia sit back down on the bed.

She shook her head, "I've been in bed all day and Julie has been taking care of me. I was so tired that I couldn't stay up long enough to cook her breakfast and I almost caught the house on fire." Tears were falling down her face and Elliot kept wiping them away.

"Jules understands that you're sick," Elliot said pulling her into his embrace, "She knows that you will be tired and she understands. The only person who doesn't get that is you. You need to rest so you can get better."

"If that ever even happens."

"It will," Elliot insisted, "None of us are giving up."

Olivia sighed, "You're right. I'm not giving up."

"That's the Olivia I know," Elliot said smiling, "Now what do you say we go into the living room and have dinner together?"

"I am kind of hungry," Olivia said.

Elliot smiled again and gave Olivia a very loving kiss. Both of them felt the connection that had been there for so long now.

"Smells good," Olivia said sitting down at the kitchen table, "Did you do it all by yourself?"

Julie looked at Elliot and winked, "Every bit of it!"

Everyone started laughing. It was the little moments like this that they would remember forever. Even if Olivia did make it, they wouldn't forget the time they spent together as a family.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for the reviews you guys!**

Elliot could feel that Olivia was moving around trying to get comfortable even though it was one in the morning. He kept his eyes clothes because he figured if she needed him she would wake him. He stayed awake nonetheless and when he heard a desperate wince come from Olivia he opened his eyes and looked over at her. She was doubled over the side of the bed with her feet touching the cold wooden floor.

"Are you okay?"

That's when he heard her choked back sob. "I don't feel good." Her words sounded slurred and her breathing was slightly speeding up.

"How? Do you need to go to the emergency room?"

Olivia shook her head, "No. No hospital."

Elliot swung his feet over the bed and he was by Olivia's side within the next second with his arm wrapped around her back.

"What's bothering you?"

"My head hurts," she said quietly, "And my stomach... my stomach hurts."

Elliot frowned and lines on his face became more prominent. "Do you want to try to eat something? Maybe that's why it's bothering you."

Olivia just shook her head. It took her a while before she realized she was crying and she just wanted to stop hurting and get some sleep. Elliot saw the tear slip off her chin and fall down onto the bed. That's when he got up and went to the kitchen to grab a cold bottle of water.

"Take a drink," he instructed nicely, "It'll help."

Olivia reached out with her shaky hands and took the smallest sip. Then she took another and the stomach pain started to ease.

"Better?"

"A little," she answered.

"That's better than nothing," Elliot said. He took the bottle back from her and screwed the lid on, sitting it on the table closest to Olivia's side of the bed. He crawled back under the covers and pulled Olivia close to him. Her head was resting on Elliot's chest while Elliot was tracing her arm with his fingers.

"Sorry I woke you up," she whispered.

"You didn't," he said honestly, "But you should have."

"You were sleeping so peacefully," Olivia argued.

"It doesn't matter, Liv. I want to help you but I can't do that if you don't tell me when you're feeling bad."

Olivia sighed, "I know. Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," Elliot said continuing to rub his fingers down her arm, "Just try to get some rest, okay?"

"I can't."

Elliot stopped rubbing her arm for a few small seconds but then he started again. He felt bad that Olivia was in pain and there was nothing he could do about it. If he could, he rip the cancer out of her and put it in his own body if that's what it meant to make her feel better.

"Why not?"

"I don't know," she answered, "I just can't."  
"Try," Elliot insisted, "You really need your sleep. You will feel better in the morning if you do."

Olivia sighed again sadly, "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too, Liv."

While Olivia was trying her hardest to fall asleep, Julie was in her own bed wide awake. She just lay there under the covers, not moving. She was staring at the pattern on her ceiling that the trees made in the moonlight. She couldn't help but worry about her mother. She had heard Elliot talking on the phone earlier that day to someone about her condition. She couldn't get the words out of her head.

"_I'm not sure. Doctor says it isn't looking too good_." Julie's stomach tied up in knots. "_I looked it up online and what I read scared the hell out of me. All these stories about how people didn't make it the second time around_." Julie could hear the sadness in her dad's voice and even though she couldn't see his face, she knew he was crying. She had never saw him cry before. She didn't think anyone had. She sighed and kicked the comforter off of her, turning over so she was now on her side. She looked up at the picture that was taped to her wall, right next to her ribbon for winning 2nd place in a singing competition. She remembered the picture well.

_"It looks like you're running a fever," Olivia said looking at the small numbers on the thermometer._

_ "But Mommy!"_

_ "Looks like you won't be going to daycare today," Olivia sighed, "You stay here in bed and I will be back with some breakfast okay? Try to get some rest."_

_ Olivia was back about fifteen minutes later with a small thing of yogurt and a half banana. "Eat up," she instructed, "It'll make you feel better."_  
Julie remembered being just four years old, not even in grade school yet, and being sick. She remembered Olivia taking care of her all day that day. Making sure she had anything she wanted.

_"Mommy, I'm bored." Julie lifted her head off of Olivia's leg and looked up at her, "Can we play mermaids?"_

_ Olivia smiled at her daughter's innocence, "No, Sweetie. You're sick and if you play too hard you will start coughing again."_

_ "But Mommy, I'm bored!" _

_ Olivia gave her a sad smile, she hated seeing her child sick. She knew it was just the flu, but she knew how the flu made people feel._

_ "How about this," Olivia said, "We can both color a pretty picture of a mermaid." She pulled the box of crayons and the color books out from under the coffee table and sat them on the floor. "What do you say?"_

_ Julie sniffled and then nodded, "Will you make one for me? So I can hang it in my room?" Julie's eyes grew wide as she asked._

_ "If that's what you want," Olivia answered with a smile growing on her face, "Then you got it."_

_ They spent the next thirty minutes coloring picture after picture. Julie mostly just scribbled with a few colors and then turned the page. Olivia however took her time and made sure the picture was perfect to hang in Julie's room._

_"All done Mommy!" Julie held the picture of a mermaid and her fish friends up and the smile on her face was priceless. _

_ "It's beautiful!" Olivia gloated, "I think I will have to hang this on the fridge for Daddy to see when he gets home."_

_ "Yay!"_

_ "Here's your picture," Olivia said showing her the picture of the young mermaid with long pink hair._

_ "It's pretty Mommy," Julie said, "Can you hang it on my wall for me?"_

_ "Of course," she answered, "Let's do it right now."_  
They got the tape from the kitchen and walked down the hall into Julie's room. Julie pointed to the exact spot where she wanted the picture taped and it was still hanging there. Even the picture Julie had colored still remained on the fridge ten years later.

Julie looked at the picture one last time before she closed her eyes and fell asleep with a smile on her face and tears of sadness in her eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

Julie was up bright and early the next day because she was going to the mall with one of her good friends, Hailey. Kathleen, Maureen, Dickie, Lizzie, and Eli were also coming over later for dinner to talk about Olivia's deteriorating health.

"Dad?" Julie tapped lightly on Elliot and Olivia's bedroom door before opening it. She saw that Olivia was lying in bed with a cold rag on her head and her eyes closed. She knew she wasn't sleeping though. She could tell by the way her chest moved up and down. "Hailey's here," she said, "I just came to tell you I was leaving."

"Have fun," Elliot said.

"Have a good time Sweetie," Olivia said quietly.

"I will Mom," Julie smiled, "I'll be home later."

She turned around and closed the door behind her on her way out.

"Are you sure you're feeling up for this tonight?" Elliot was concerned about having a bunch of people over when Olivia wasn't feeling well. She had just had chemo the day prior and days after chemo were always the worst. She usually stayed in bed all day and was barely able to keep anything down besides maybe a few crackers.

"El, I'll be fine. I'm happy to see the kids again. We haven't seen them in awhile with school and everything. It'll be nice to have them all over."

Elliot sighed, he knew she would say that. "I better get out of bed then," he smiled at her, "I have a house to clean."

"I'll help," she said taking the rag off her forehead and sitting it on the bedside table.

"I don't think so," Elliot said sternly, "You just had chemo yesterday and I know you aren't feeling well. Just get some rest."

"I'm in bed all the time! I feel fine right now. A little tired but, fine."

Elliot looked at her and he couldn't help but give in. He could never say no to her. "Alright, fine but, the first time you get to feeling too tired you tell me okay?"

"Yes sir," she said playfully.

Elliot laughed, "Okay. Let's go."

At the mall, Julie and Hailey were walking around one of their favorite stores and looking for nice things to spend their money on. Julie was looking for something extra special to get for Olivia's birthday coming up and Hailey was just looking to spend her money.

"How's your mom?" Hailey asked.

Julie shrugged, "She says she's fine but, I don't know. She looks like she's in pain all of the time. She hardly ever comes out of her room."

"I'm sorry," Hailey said quietly, "That must be tough."

"I just want her to get better," Julie said sadly, "I can't lose her."

Hailey nodded. She understood what it was like to lose a parent because she had lost her dad three years ago to the war.

"If you ever need anyone to talk to you can talk to me," Hailey said, "I might not always have advice but, I'll listen."

Julie gave her a smile, "Thanks. This is why we're best friends!" Julie went to move her purse strap higher on her shoulder so she could give a hug to Hailey. They had only been friends for three years but ever since they first met at school they had been inseparable.

"This is so pretty," Julie said picking up a silver necklace off of a jewelry rack.

"I bet your mom would love it," Hailey added.

Julie fingered the silver necklace in her hand. She knew her mom already had two necklaces, but maybe she would like this one too. It was a long silver necklace with a circle pendant that read courageous.

"I don't have enough money," Julie frowned, "I'm fifteen short."

Hailey reached for her purse now and unzipped it, pulling out her billfold. Here," she said handing Julie twenty dollars, "Don't worry about paying it back."

* * *

Julie felt tears pricking in her eyes. She knew that her and Hailey were friends for a reason. "Thank you."

At the apartment, Elliot and Olivia had been cleaning up so the house would be ready for company. Elliot was doing the dishes and Olivia was picking up odds and ends in the living room. Elliot had tried to persuade Olivia into doing the dishes because it didn't involve as much strenuous activity but, of course Olivia argued with him. One thing she hated was dishes.

They had the stereo turned on and _Bon Jovi's Livin' On A Prayer_ was playing. Olivia always had to have music on when she was cleaning, it made her have a little bit of fun while she was tidying up the place. There was some of Julie's shoes lying on the floor and she bent over to pick them up, stopping half way. She put her hand on the couch for support and went down the rest of the way to where she was sitting on her knees. She had been overcome with a wave of dizziness and the room around her was spinning.

"El," she hollered. Her yell wasn't that loud because she was starting to panic and the salty tears were coating her throat.

Elliot continued to wash away at the dishes, bobbing his head to the music. Olivia sighed and tried again to get Elliot's attention. There was no way she was getting off the floor on her own.

"Elliot!"

Elliot turned off the water and walked into the living room casually. "Liv?" When he saw her he rushed over to her and bent down so he was on her level. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"Dizzy," Olivia mumbled.

"I'm going to help you get on the couch," Elliot said. He got up and stood behind her, placing his hands under her arms and helping her sit down on the couch.

She leaned her head back against the back and squeezed her eyes closed.

"You gonna be okay?"

Olivia took a deep breath and opened her eyes, "I don't know."

"Are you still dizzy?" Elliot was getting really worried. He thought she was doing okay but when he walked into the living room and saw her like that he started to panic.

"A little," she answered honestly, "I'll be okay. I just need a minute."

Elliot sighed and patted her gently on her knee. He got up and went to get her bottle of water from the freezer and bring it to her. He also brought her two pain pills.

"Here," he said sadly, "They'll help."

Olivia sighed. She was frustrated with her health. "They will make me tired."

"Then you can take a nap."

"The kids are coming over," Olivia said getting more agitated by the minute.

"Liv," he said trying to keep his cool, "They will understand. Please, just take them."

Olivia shook her head no.

"What if you take just one? That way they will help a little and you wont be as tired." Elliot held the pills in his hand in front of her, hoping she would compromise.

Olivia sighed again and took the pills and the water from his hand. She tossed them in her mouth and downed them with a big gulp of water.

"Thank you," he said. "Do you feel better yet?"

Olivia couldn't help but smile at Elliot's persistence to help her feel better. "Thank you," she said, "I do feel better."

"Will you let me finish cleaning the house?"

Olivia nodded, "I guess."

Elliot smiled and leaned over to give her one last kiss before he started cleaning the house again. "I think _The Notebook_ is on," he teased.

Olivia shot him a glare. He knew how much she hated love stories. Even if she was a woman, she refused to watch anything about sappy love.

"Sorry," he laughed putting his hands up in the defense position, "I'll keep my mouth shut from now on."

"You better."

"Mom!" Julie called walking into the apartment and shutting the door behind her. She had the gift back in her hand that contained the necklace she purchased and she couldn't wait to give it to Olivia.

"In here!" Olivia hollered.

Julie couldn't help the grin on her face as she walked quickly into Elliot and Olivia's bedroom where they were both lying on their backs at the wrong end of the bed.

"What are you doing?" she asked them curiously.

"We were bored," Elliot answered simply.

Julie laughed, "You guys are strange. Anyways, Mom, I have a present for you."

Olivia sat up and crossed her legs Indian style. "You didn't have to do that," she said sweetly.

"I wanted to," Julie smiled, "Here." She handed the bag over to Olivia and Olivia gave her a hug before opening it up.

She took the black velvet box out of the back and opened it up. Her mouth fell open as she gawked at the beautiful silver necklace. "Julie," Olivia said with tears prominent in her eyes, "This is wonderful. I love it. Thank you!" Olivia practically jumped off the bed and wrapped her arms around Julie in a tight hug. "I love you," she whispered in her ear.

"I love you too, Mom."

When Olivia pulled away she had Elliot help her put the necklace on. "It fits just perfect."

* * *

The courageous necklace hung just under the fearlessness one and just above her gold one. It couldn't have been more perfect.

It was pushing around dinner time and all the Stabler kids were at the house except for Lizzie. She called to say she was running late because she was stuck in traffic.

"She's always the one running late," Dickie said scooping a spoonful of peas onto his plate.

Kathleen rolled her eyes. "So what's the special occasion?"

Olivia frowned from her seat at the table and she let out a quiet sigh. Maureen, who was sitting next to her, turned to face her.

"Liv, what's wrong?"

Now all eyes were on Olivia and she was overcome with a feeling of sadness. Since Julie already knew what her mom was going to say, she cleared her throat causing the attention to turn toward her.

"She has cancer," Julie said sadly, "Breast cancer."

The table was quiet. The Stabler children knew about the first time it happened. They had came to visit her when they could and they prayed every night that she would get better. Kathy had even been her nurse a few times and was very helpful through the whole process.

"Are you gonna be okay?" The question came from Dickie who was sitting next to Elliot. He had stopped eating and he had a sad look on his face.

Olivia shrugged, "I don't know," she answered sadly.

"Sorry I'm late!" Lizzie said busting through the door, "I hate traffic! I swear I'm going to move to the country or something." When she saw that everyone was quiet a puzzled look came across her face. "What's going on?"

"Olivia has cancer," Kathleen said angrily.

Lizzie dropped her purse that she was carrying to the floor and burst into tears. "I'm so sorry! Oh my goodness. I was late and I come in like- I'm so sorry!"

"Liz," Olivia said, "It's okay. It isn't your fault." She scooted her chair away from the table and walked over to the tearful Lizzie and embraced her for a hug.

"It doesn't seem fair."

"I know," Olivia whispered, "But I'll be okay. I beat it once so this time it shouldn't be a problem."  
Elliot knew that Olivia was putting up a tough front for all the kids. He could see right through her. He knew that she was just as upset as the kids were. After all, this was happening to her for the second time.

* * *

"Let's finish dinner," Elliot said getting everyone to come back to the table.

It had been a couple hours since the kids had left after dinner and Julie had long since went to bed. Elliot and Olivia lay in their bed under the covers just cuddling with each other.

"Dinner was good," Olivia said breaking the silence.

"Thanks," Elliot said.

"What's on your mind?" Olivia asked looking up to him.

"Nothing."

"I know you better than that, El," Olivia said.

Elliot sighed, "I just worry about you. About this cancer. I- I don't know."

Olivia frowned, she hated that she was the cause of everybody's sadness. She didn't want people to be sad around her. She had had enough of that in her lifetime.

"I'll be okay," she said, not too sure of yourself.

Olivia looked up at him again and saw that he was crying. "El." She reached up and wiped a tear from his eye. He hardly ever cried and when he did you knew he had a real reason.

"I don't want to lose you," he said through his tears.

Now Olivia was crying too, "You won't," she whispered running her hand down his cheek, "It isn't even that bad at the moment. I can beat this. I know I can."

"When did you become so positive?" Elliot chuckled.

"When I met you."

Elliot smiled now and Olivia gently placed her hand on his cheek and reached her lips to his. "I love you Stabler."

"I love you too Benson."

Olivia decided to keep her last name for two reasons. One was because she felt like it was the last memory she had of her mother and she wanted to honor that. She was the last Benson to exist. The other was because she didn't want to have to explain to people why her and her partner both had the same last name. It was just easier to leave it as Benson. Elliot respected her decision and he understood why she did it. Now they often called each other Benson and Stabler. The names that started it all.

**Please review! It makes a happy writer! Thank you!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I just want to say thank you so much to all of you who review. It really truly means a lot and I never expected people would like any of my stories to tell you the truth! So thanks again! Also, if you haven't discovered already by any of my other stories, I really like snow. I think it's absolutely beautiful so there is a lot of snow involved in this!**

"Julie, get up!" Olivia was shaking Julie on her shoulder trying to get her to open her eyes and look outside.

"What?" Julie groaned opening her eyes, "Is everything okay?"

"Yes," Olivia smiled, "Look outside."

Julie wiped her eyes and climbed out of bed, following Olivia to the window where she pulled her curtains back.

"Wow," Julie gasped, "It's snowing already."

"Isn't it beautiful?" Olivia had always loved the snow, ever since she was a little kid. She would always go outside and be the first one to make her footprints in the freshly fallen snow in front of her building.

"Yes," Julie answered, "But how did you know it was snowing? It's three in the morning."

Olivia sighed, "I couldn't sleep."

"Are you feeling okay?"

Olivia loved how much Julie cared about her. If she could she spend the rest of her life telling Julie how much she loved her and how much she was thankful that Julie was her child.

"I'm fine," she answered truthfully, "I just couldn't fall asleep."

Julie frowned and turned her attention back out of the window where the snow was lightly falling from the sky.

"Want to go play in it?" Olivia was acting like a big kid again and Julie couldn't refuse. They geared up with their big winter coats and their snow boots and then they put on gloves and scarves.

"Let's go!" Olivia said excitedly.

Julie ran out first and she listened as the snow crunched beneath their feet as they walked. The white blanket was slowly becoming embedded with their footprints. When Julie hadn't been paying attention Olivia swopped her hand through the snow and scooped some up in her hand. She rolled it into a ball and when Julie turned around again she threw it at her.

"Gotcha!"

"Mom!"

Olivia just laughed and went to do it again. This time it was Julie who through the snowball and they took turns going back and forth. Both of them were covered in snow before too long.

"It's freezing out here!" Julie complained, "We should go have some hot chocolate."

"Sounds good," Olivia said, "Let's go."

They were making their way back inside the house when Olivia started feeling dizzy again. She stopped in her tracks and brought her hands to her head. Julie, who was in front of her, turned around when she didn't hear another set of footsteps crunching behind her.

"Mom?" Julie hated seeing her mother in pain. It made her want to cry and she wished her mother didn't have to go through it.

Before Olivia could answer the world started spinning around her and the next thing she knew she was lying on the ground.

"Mom!" Julie panicked and ran over to Olivia's side. She was breathing heavily from fear and shaking her vigorously. "Mom! Mom, get up."  
When Olivia didn't move Julie got up and ran inside the house as fast as she could. She ran up the stairs, not even bothering with the elevator, and went straight to Olivia and Elliot's bedroom.

"Dad! Dad! Get up!" She flipped the light on when she was running in and now she was shaking Elliot to get him out of bed.

"Jules? What's wrong?"

"Mom," she cried, "We were playing outside in the snow and she just collapsed!"

That brought Elliot to his senses and he was making his way downstairs and out of the door in a matter of seconds.

"Liv," he said scooping her into his arms. "Liv, I need you to get up."

"Julie I need you to go get my keys," Elliot instructed, "They are in the kitchen on the counter. Hurry!"

Elliot carried Olivia to their car and placed her in the backseat as best he could. He was panicking and he didn't know what was going on. All he was focused on was getting Olivia to the hospital. When he saw Julie running toward them he took a deep breath and caught the keys that she tossed to him. He brought the car to life and took off speeding to the nearest hospital.

"She'll be okay," Elliot whispered to Julie as she lay her head against his shoulder in the waiting room.

Julie sniffed and wiped a tear from her cheek, "I was scared," she admitted. When it came to admitting her feelings, Julie was just like Olivia. They were both stubborn and they always told people they were fine. They didn't like showing their vulnerable side and Elliot knew when they did it was serious.

Elliot didn't know what to say so he just gave her a hug. A simple gesture was sometimes more than a million words.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"You know I love you," Julie said sincerely, "And you're a great Dad."

"What's this about?"

Julie sniffed again, "If mom dies... we won't make it. We won't be okay. We can't lose her!"

"Oh Julie." Tears were now in Elliot's eyes as he fought to keep them in control. He couldn't cry in front of Julie.

The two of them sat in the waiting room while Dr. Brent and Anne did a thorough check up on Olivia. They had explained that they would be allowed to see her as soon as they knew what was going on. They had been waiting about forty-five minutes when Anne finally came out to speak with them.

"Is she okay?" Julie was the first one out of her seat when she saw Anne approaching them through the double doors.

Anne gave a small smile and folded her hands as she pulled a chair next to where they were sitting. "She was very dehydrated," Anne explained, "Most likely from the vomiting. She is also experiencing several side effects that come with the chemotherapy. The dizziness is one of the serious side effects and it can also cause the blacking out."

"Is my mom going to be okay?

Anne twisted her hands in her lap and cleared her throat, "She's been asking for you if you guys would like to go ahead and see her now."

Julie nodded and her and Elliot followed Anne through the double doors and into a room where Olivia was resting in one of the hospital beds. Julie rushed to her side as soon as she saw her and started crying again.

"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Now Olivia," Anne said stepping in, "I'll be back every thirty minutes or so to ask you how you're feeling. I know how stubborn you are but, I really need you to be honest with me okay?"

Olivia nodded her head. She felt really tired all of a sudden and she wished she was at home in her own bed. Anne excused herself out of the room and left Elliot , Olivia, and Julie by themselves.

"How are you feeling now?" Elliot asked walking to the left side of her and picking of her hand to hold it.

"Tired," she said weakly.

"Any pain?"

Olivia sighed and stared off at the wall across the room. She never understood why most walls were white. If it were up to her they would at least be a tan color, something to liven things up.

"Liv?"

She shrugged, "Just a headache."

"I'm glad you're okay," Elliot said meeting her gaze.

"Me too," Julie chimed in.

Olivia's doctors decided it would be a good idea if Olivia spent a few days in the hospital for observations. She was due for chemotherapy the next morning and it was easier on all of them if she was safe in the hospital's care.

Elliot had called Maureen and asked her if Julie could spend a couple nights there and Maureen was more than happy to have her over. Julie had left just a little before noon and Elliot had stayed by Olivia's side.

It was an hour into chemo now and Olivia had just woken up from a small nap. She rolled her head to the side where Elliot was sitting and reading a magazine.

"Hey," he said seeing that she was awake.

"Hey."

"Did you have a nice nap?"

"Yeah."

Elliot closed the magazine and sat it down in the chair next to him, "Do you need anything?"

She shook her head and closed her eyes again. Elliot could tell that she was in pain and wasn't feeling well but he knew she would never say that on her own. He went to get her a cold bottle of water from the vending machine just outside her room and bring it back to her.

"Do you want to try a drink?"

Olivia shook her head with her eyes still closed tight. "You in pain?"

Olivia opened her eyes now and they were slightly pink from where she forcing the tears to stay away, "My arm burns."

Elliot frowned and gently traced his fingers down her arm with the IV in it. Anne had warned them that the drugs she was being given would most likely burn and there wasn't really anything they could do.

"I'm sorry." Elliot continued to slowly trace his fingers down her arm in hope that maybe it would relieve some of the burning sensation.

Two hours had passed now and Olivia was really feeling the effects of her fifth treatment. She lay still now instead of tossing and turning and she kept the basin in her lap. She would hold on to it tight whenever she felt her stomach churn and that's how Elliot knew when she was about to get sick.

"Hang in there," he said to her. He made sure that the rag around her neck was always cold because he knew Olivia liked that. He also made sure he cleaned out the pink basin whenever she got sick in it and bring it back to her. He tried to get her to drink from the water bottle but she couldn't keep anything down so it really wasn't any use.

Elliot held her free hand as she went through the longing hours of chemo. He told her that whenever she needed to squeeze it she could because he didn't mind. He hated that she was struggling and it took everything in him not to let his rage take control. If he had it his way, there would already be a hole in the wall somewhere in the room.

Anne came into Olivia's room every once in a while and asked her how she was doing and made sure that everything was going how it should.

"How you holdin' up?" she asked entering the room for the second time that hour.

Elliot was the first to answer because Olivia was too busy vomiting. "Not good," he answered, "She's really having a hard time."

Anne frowned and walked over to her bedside where she grabbed the rag from her neck and ran it under the cold water while Elliot emptied the basin. She placed it back around Olivia's neck and checked the IV bag to see how much of the potent medicine was left.

"How do you feel?" Anne asked.

"Everything... hurts," she replied in a lethargic voice.

"I can give you some medicine later tonight for the pain," Anne explained, "But you have to be finished with the chemo first."

Olivia sighed and she pulled the blanket that was resting at her feet up over her body. Anne made her way out of the room and on to her next patient lraving Elliot and Olivia alone again.

Olivia let out a sob and it tugged at Elliot's heart. He had only seen her cry few times throughout their relationship and he couldn't take it. He didn't understand why God was doing this to her.

"What's hurting, Liv?" he asked climbing carefully into the bed next to her.

"Everything," she cried, "Everything hurts and I'm tired. I'm so, so tired."

"I know," Elliot said quietly, "And I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have to go through this, I really do."

Elliot positioned himself so that Olivia was able to lean against him and still be comfortable. He rubbed her shoulders and played with her hair until she was finally able to fall asleep and get some rest without the pain bothering her.

"How is she doing?" Anne had popped in for the last time that day before her shift was over and a different oncologist was taking over.

"I don't know," Elliot answered honestly, "She's been sleeping since the last time you came in but, she keeps tossing and turning and mumbling like she's in pain."

Anne nodded, "I'll have a nurse come in and give her some pain medicine before I leave," she explained.

"I actually have a few questions," Elliot said stopping her in her tracks.

"I'm all ears."

Elliot sighed and carefully moved Olivia off of him so he could stand up. He made sure her blanket was pulled up around her and then he stepped onto the floor and walked further away from the bed where Anne was standing.

"I love her," he said starting the conversation, "I love her and Julie more than anything in this world and it took me a long time to realize that."

Anne stood patiently as she listened to what Elliot was saying. She had heard all the stories before from all her other patients and it never got easier to hear. It made her want to step up and be the doctor to find the cure.

"I can't lose her," he said choking on his words, "I need to know what I'm suppose to do to help her get better."

Anne smiled at Elliot's devotion to his family before she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Be there," she answered, "Be there for her whenever she needs you and just remind her that you love her. Tell her everyday if you have to."

"I tell her every five minutes," Elliot said feeling sense of comfort.

"That's good," Anne said, "Do you have any other questions?"

"Yeah, when does she get to go home?"

"Tomorrow we are going to see how she is feeling and things like that and if she's feeling better we will release her to go home and she can continue the chemo as an outpatient."

Elliot nodded, "Thanks."

It was nearing midnight now and Elliot couldn't sleep. He wouldn't. He wanted to be awake in case Olivia woke up and needed him. He watched as her chest would rise and fall and how every few moments a breath would audibly escape from her lips. The lights were turned off in the room because Olivia had complained that they hurt her head and the only light in the room was the cast coming from the moon.

"God," he said and clasped his hands together in his lap, "I need you right now. Olivia needs you. She needs to get better. She needs a miracle. She has done so many good things in her life and saved so many people. So tell me one thing, why can't you save her?" He sighed angrily and shook his head before swatting at the tears that were steadily streaming down his face, "I'm asking for a miracle."


	9. Chapter 9

"Good morning!" Anne smiled entering the room, "How are we doing today?"

"Better," Olivia said scooting herself into the sitting position. The chemo yesterday had left her bones feeling weak and all around she was achy but, she was truly feeling better.

"Headache?" Julie placed her two fingers on Olivia's wrist and checked her pulse while she was waiting for an answer.

Olivia shook her head no, "I had one this morning but, it was a small one. No big deal."

"Fever?"

Olivia shook her head no again, "The nurse said it was normal."

"Good," Anne smiled, "And any other pain?"

"Other than being tired I feel fine," Olivia answered, "Really."

"That's good," Anne said scribbling some things down in Olivia's chart, "Where's Elliot at this morning?"

"He went to go pick up Julie," Olivia smiled, "She wanted to be here when I got to go home."

"Well I hope we don't meet again in the emergency room like that," Anne said closing the chart and holding it to her chest.

* * *

"Me too."

"Mom!" Julie was more than happy that her mom was feeling better and was able to go home. She had already thought about things they could do to spend time together that didn't involve too much physical activity.

"Hey!" Olivia said wrapping her arms around her, "Did you have a good time at Maureen's?"

"Yeah but, I missed you."

"I missed you too," Olivia said giving her a kiss on the crown of her head, "A lot."

"You ready to go?"

Olivia nodded and she grabbed a hold of Elliot's hand for support while she started walking. She noticed that she was walking at a slower pace and she couldn't help but feel defeated. This wasn't her. She had never taken life slowly and she didn't want to start now. Elliot could tell that she was frustrated by the look on her face and he offered to back off but, when he tried Olivia nearly fell to the ground.

"It's fine," Elliot said holding her hand again, "It's just from laying in the bed all night. You'll get your strength back."

Olivia didn't say anything, she knew that whatever she said Elliot would just argue against her and she didn't want to argue. She just wanted to get home and spend time with her family.

"This place is a mess," Olivia complained as she walked in the door, "I need to clean up a bit."  
"Liv," Elliot protested, "You can't even walk on your own. Just take it easy. Julie and I can pick up the house later."

Olivia took a deep breath and counted to ten before letting it out. She didn't want to sit around and do nothing all day. She got bored and she wished that Cragen would let her come to work, even if it was strict desk duty. They had had a conversation not too long ago about how long she would need off and Cragen told her it didn't matter. She could have as long as she needed.

"I don't just want to sit here all day," she said, "I want to do something."

Julie, who had been listening to the conversation, sat down next to Olivia on the couch and brought up an idea. "We can have a movie day. We can watch all the movies that are just sitting up there collecting dust."

Elliot looked to Olivia to see her reaction and he was quite surprised when she smiled, "That sounds like a good idea."

"I'll get the popcorn?"

Elliot went to the cabinet and pulled out the last package of popcorn and popped it into the microwave. Julie went to get some blankets from the hall closet and then she pulled out the first movie and popped it into the DVD player.

"What movie is this?" Olivia asked.

"_Stepmom_," Julie answered.

Olivia nodded and wrapped the blanket around her. She rested her head on the arm rest of the couch and her feet were curled under her. Elliot sat next to her and he rubbed her shoulder during the most part of the movie while Julie munched on the popcorn.

_Stepmom_ was a movie about a single mother who was battling cancer along with two children. Her ex-husband was remarried and at first the children were having a tough time dealing with their new stepmom. After they all found out about the illness, they grew closer and the mother could rest in peace knowing that her kids had someone to take care of them after she was gone.

"I want you to remarry," Olivia said quietly after the movie was over and the credits were rolling, "If I die, I want you to be able to find love again."  
"You're not going to die," Elliot insisted.

"We don't know that..."

"Why do you say that?" Julie asked with her eyes swelling up, "Why do don't have you faith? You keep saying things aren't getting better but you aren't giving them a chance!" She tossed the blanket off of her and let it fall to the floor while she made a mad dash to her bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her.

Olivia sighed, "I didn't mean to make her upset."

"What did you expect?" Elliot asked trying not to get angry, "You're her mother and she loves you more than she loves anybody. It isn't easy for her to listen to you talk about dying."

"I'll go talk to her." Olivia leaned on the arm rest for support in standing up but the rest of the way she was okay to walk on her own. She tapped lightly on the door before walking in.

"Hey," she said sadly.

"I don't want to talk," Julie said with her face down in the pillow.

"Then don't," Olivia said, "Just listen. I know you don't like when I talk about dying and stuff and I don't like talking about it either. I wish it wasn't a possibility but it is and I need you to be aware of that. I need you and your father to know how much I love and care you for you two. You guys are the ones that keep me strong. You're the ones who keep me going everyday. So, I'm sorry that I upset you and I won't let it happen again."

"Why you?" Julie cried sitting up and throwing her arms around Olivia, "Why do you have to be sick? You don't deserve this. You save people. You aren't suppose to be the one that needs saving."

Olivia sniffed as she rubbed her hand up and down Julie's arm, "I don't know, Jules. I don't make the rules."

"The rules suck!"

"Hey now," Olivia said, "That isn't a very nice word."

"I don't care," Julie spat, "I don't care anymore!"

"You should care," Olivia said to her in her comforting sooth voice that she always used on victims. "I still care. I care about a lot of things."

"Why should I? What's the point?"

"The point is that you still have a long, successful, happy life ahead of you and you shouldn't let this stand in your way."

"Do you really still care?"

Olivia took a deep breath and exhaled before responding, "I'll always care."

They sat in silence for a bit while Julie finished her tears. She didn't want to leave Olivia's embrace because she didn't know how much longer she would have of getting those hugs. The hugs that made everything bad melt away and the ones that instantly made you feel better.

"I bet Dad's getting lonely in there all by his self," Olivia said trying to make Julie feel better, "What do you say we head back in there and finish our movie night?"

"Okay," Julie said sadly, "Only if we can skip the sappy ones and just watch the funny ones."

"Deal."

Every night now Elliot had cooked dinner , a trait he wasn't used to doing. He did it without being asked because he wanted Olivia to rest as much as possible. He always asked Julie if she wanted to help him because that was when they did their bonding.

"What should we have for dinner tonight?" he asked as him and Julie walked into the kitchen.

"I don't think Mom's going to eat," she answered sadly.

"Why do you say that?"

"She doesn't eat on days after chemo," Julie stated matter-of-factly, "She can't keep it down."

Elliot nodded, "You still didn't answer the question about what you wanted have for dinner."

Julie smiled, "Spaghetti?"

"We always have that."

"It's my favorite."

Elliot shook his head and went to the cabinet where the boxes of spaghetti noodles were kept. They always had a bunch on hand because Olivia and Julie both loved spaghetti. Elliot was a fan too but not as much as they were. He was more of a meat and potatoes kind of guy.  
**Short update but, I didn't want to keep you waiting too long!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I don't know why anybody would want someone with cancer to die. How low is that? Pretty low...**

***Clearly I messed up my seasons (how careless of me) but, I said it was summer because Julie was getting out of school... then it suddenly snowed. Well, let's pretend Julie is out of school for Christmas break, that way everybody is happy! Sorry for the inconvenience.**

Olivia had finished her first bout of chemo and now she was off for the next week. She was feeling pretty good and she tried to convince Cragen to let her work for a few hours but he politely turned her down. Now she was sitting in the living room on the couch with a blanket strewn over her lap while she waited for Julie to come back from her two day stay at winter camp. She was excited to hear about Julie's new friends and all the cool things she did while she was there.

It was ten minutes passed the time that Olivia figured Julie would be home but, she wasn't going to worry. She heard footsteps just outside the doorway and she knew that Julie would come rushing in any second.

"Mom! Mom! I had so much fun! I met this girl, her name's Spencer, and we both love country music! We talked about Brad Paisley the whole time! We even hung a picture of him up above our bunks, even though we were only there for two nights. It was so much fun!"

"That's cool," Olivia smiled. She loved when Julie was so excited that she talked fast and you could barely catch what she was saying.

"We also had camp games," she said dropping her bags to the floor and rushing to the couch to sit down. "We had to toss snow balls back and forth with our partner and each time we tossed it we had to take a step back. Spencer and I won!"

"What was the prize?"

"We got to be first in line for lunch," Julie answered, "Isn't that great?!"

"That's great," Olivia responded, "It sounds like you had a good time."

"I did," Julie grinned, "But I missed you and Dad."

"We missed you too." Olivia reached her arms out and wrapped them tightly around Julie for a big hug. "This is from Dad too. He had to work for a bit today."

"How were you guys while I was gone?" she asked pulling away.

"We were good," Olivia answered, "But we missed not having you around to make us laugh."

"I am good at that," Julie said with another grin appearing on her face.

"Yes, you are."

"How are you feeling?" Julie asked losing her smile and getting the more important things.

"I'm doing fine," she answered, "Great actually."

"That's great!"

Olivia nodded, "I was thinking if you didn't have any plans, we could go get some ice-cream. If you want to that is."

"Of course! Ice-cream is my fave."

"Well you'll need your jacket, it's pretty cold."

"I can't believe you're letting me eat ice-cream in the winter!"

Olivia laughed, "What can I say? I'm a bit of a bad-ass."

"Language?" Julie said putting on her serious face.

"Oops, sorry."

Julie had always been one for polite language. She didn't mind when her parents cussed, she knew almost everybody did but, there was just something in her that didn't like to hear it. People at school had teased her about it in 6th at first, but then they got over and realized it was just a part of who she was and she didn't plan on changing for anyone.

Once Olivia had her shoes and jacket on and Julie was ready as well, they headed off down the block to Grom, one of the best ice-cream places in town.

"How can I help you ladies today?" the young gentleman behind the counter asked.

"I'd like a strawberry ice-cream on a waffle cone," Julie answered.

"And I'll have mint chocolate chip on a waffle cone," Olivia answered.

"That'll be $4.99," the man told them.

Olivia handed over the money in exchange for the two ice cream cones and her and Julie started eating away.

"I love ice cream!" Julie exclaimed as they picked a table in the corner of the place and sat down.

"Me too," Olivia agreed, "My favorite."

"So, why did you really bring me here?"

Olivia laughed quietly before saying, "You know me so well don't you?"

Julie nodded.

"I just wanted to talk about gong on vacation," Olivia said.

"I'd love to go on vacation!"

"It would run into the first week back to school though," Olivia said, "But, I talked to your teachers and they said they would help you catch up when we came back."

"Where would we go?" Julie asked feeling the anticipation rise.

"Nashville," Olivia answered, "We could visit the city and listen to all the country music we wanted. Maybe we could even visit the Opry." Olivia knew how much Julie loved country music and she had always wanted to go to Nashville. When she was five she first brought it up and she hadn't stopped mentioning it since.

"That's so cool! Are you serious? This better not be a joke!"

"I'm serious! Dad and I have been talking about it and we think it'll be a good time."

"When would we leave?"

"Tomorrow," Olivia answered, "So we have to go back home and get ready."

"Well let's go!" Julie said finishing off the last bit of her ice-cream cone.

Julie was out of her seat before Olivia and was tugging on her arm for them to go so they cold get to packing.

They stopped on the way home at the precinct to pick Elliot up from work. They had to wait inside for a little bit for Elliot to finish some things up but, neither of them minded.

"Hey Julie," Munch said handing her a ten dollar bill, "How's it going?"

"Good," Julie answered, "What's this for?"

Munch put his hand at the side of his mouth so nobody could see what he was gong to say, "You're my favorite," he whispered.

"Thanks Uncle Munch."

"Where the hell is she?" the voice echoed throughout the squad room as Julie turned around from where she was sitting at Olivia's desk to look at a man waving a gun around in the air.

Fin ran to grab Julie and shoved her into Cragen's office with Olivia. Elliot stepped out and tried to calm the man, Josh, down.

"Just take it easy," Elliot said holding his hands up in the defense position, "We can settle this."

"Where the hell is Laura? Bitch is going to get what she deserves." Laura and Josh were two people who were both active suspects in a rape homicide that they were currently working on.

"Josh," Elliot began, "Just put the gun down and we can talk."

In Cragen's office, Olivia was sitting behind the desk with Julie. She didn't want anything bad to happen while Julie was there.

"What's going to happen?" Julie asked a little frightened.

"Dad's going to talk him into putting the gun down," Olivia answered, "It'll be fine. He deals with this stuff everyday.

"I don't like coming here," Julie admitted, "It's scary."

"I know," Olivia said keeping calm, "I don't like you being here either."

Before long Elliot and Fin had done the job of getting Josh to put the gun away and talk about it. Fin knew that Elliot had plans with the family so him and Munch took over the talking and Cragen told Elliot to go ahead and leave.

"Make sure you aren't forgetting anything," Elliot reminded Julie and Olivia, "We can't turn the car around when we are half way there because somebody forget their lip gloss."

Julie laughed and Olivia tapped Elliot on the arm after rolling her eyes at him. "Is everybody ready?"

They nodded and Elliot started carrying the luggage out to the car. Suitcase by suitcase the trunk filled up with bags and suitcases and they all climbed into the car. Elliot was driving first because he wanted Olivia and Julie to sleep so they wouldn't talk his ear off. They usually did whenever they were in the car for long periods of time.

"Here we go," Elliot said starting the car and pulling out into the street.

** Next up... the very hilarious car ride!**


	11. Chapter 11

Elliot had been driving for about two hours now and Olivia had managed to fall asleep already. Her head was resting against the window and Julie couldn't help but laugh every time they hit a bump and her mother's head went up with it.

"Dad, I can't concentrate when she's snoring like that!"

Elliot rolled his eyes, "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Wake her up!"

"No way," Elliot said, "I'm not getting my head chewed off for waking her up during her beauty sleep."

"I'm never going to get my homework done with her snoring!" Julie complained.

"I'm up," Olivia said groggily, "Goodness."

"Sorry," Julie said seriously, "I just wanted you to stop snoring..."  
"It's alright," Olivia said, "I'm awake now."  
Another ten minutes passed with the silent car ride. Nobody talked because they were all too tired and the only sounds were the passing cars on the highway and the low tunes coming from the radio.

"I have to pee," Julie complained as she tired to position herself so her legs were crossed.

"You're going to have to hold it," Elliot told her, "There isn't a gas station for the next few miles."

"I can't hold it!" she argued, "I've been holding it all night!"

"Well-"

"I have to pee too," Olivia added.

Elliot sighed, this always happened whenever he took road trips with them. He would tell them to use the restroom before they left the house and at every stop they made because there wasn't always a n available potty stop somewhere near by.

"Just think about something else," Elliot said trying to keep them quiet until the next gas station appeared, "Here, I'll turn up the radio."

He turned the knob on the stereo up and _Start of Something New_ by _Daughtry_ was playing.

"I love this song," Olivia said smiling, "It reminds me of us."

Elliot looked over to her and gave her a look before returning his eyes to the road. He hadn't ever heard of the song because he wasn't one to dance along to the radio.

When the course of the song started playing Olivia and Julie both started singing, "I know that it's gonna take some time I got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind, this might end up like it should. I got something I need to and I hope to God it don't scare you away..."

The were singing as loud as they could and Elliot couldn't even hear the radio over them. He peeked in the rear view mirror and saw Julie singing into her hairbrush where Olivia was singing into her recently bought Cola bottle.

"This is going to be a long ride," he mumbled to his self.

10 hours to go and Julie was starting to feel sick.

"I don't feel so good," she complained clutching her arms to her stomach, "I think I might get sick..."

Elliot pulled the car over to the shoulder and got out to open the back door for her, "Please don't get sick in the car."

"Are you alright?" Olivia had gotten out too and was making sure that Julie's hair stayed out of her face just in case anything was to happen.

Julie nodded, "I think I'll be okay," she said sitting upright, "Let's just keep driving."

Elliot nodded and him and Olivia got back in the car and started driving again. Julie had managed to fall asleep so they had one less thing to worry about. Now Elliot was driving peacefully and Olivia was staring out of her window at the things they passed by. Mostly trees, but she found them interesting.

Elliot started to notice that Olivia was resting her head against the head rest with her eyes clenched shut and he couldn't tell if she was trying to sleep or if something was bothering her.

"You alright?"

She made a mumbling sound and then opened her eyes to look at him, "Headache," she answered simply.

Elliot frowned, he knew something like this was bound to happen. He just hoped that her health stayed well long enough to enjoy the vacation. "I packed some Tylenol," he informed her, "It's in the black bag behind my seat."

Olivia reached her arm behind the driver's side seat and picked the small bag up out of the floorboard. She moved several things around until she came to the pill bottle and took out two of them.

"That should help," he said watching her take a drink of soda, "Try to get some rest. We still have a way to go."

"I'll be fine," Elliot said, "Trust me."

"I do trust you," she smiled.

Before leaving for the trip Elliot and Olivia had discussed how the driving would work. Elliot would drive halfway and Olivia would drive the other half so neither one of them was too tired. However, Elliot saw how peacefully Olivia was sleeping and there was only two hours left until they arrived at the cabin. He could do it.

"Liv, Julie," Elliot whispered, "We're here."

Both girls yawned and lifted their heads up to look out the window. It was 5 o'clock in the morning and the sky was just turning a lighter shade of blue.

"Can't we just sleep here for a few more hours?" Olivia mumbled with her eyes closing shut again, "I don't wanna get up."

"Come on," he said walking to her side of the car and opening the door, "I'll carry you inside."

Olivia was too out of it to know what was going on. All she knew was she went from being upright to lying in a soft bed. She drifted back off to sleep after that so Julie helped Elliot carry in the luggage.

The cabin they had rented was beautiful log one that was just on the county lines of Nashville. It was surrounded by woods so for the most part the area was private. It was two stories and the upstairs consisted of one bathroom and three bedrooms. The downstairs also had a bedroom, the kitchen, the living room, the dining room, and another full bathroom. Elliot and Olivia had gotten the bedroom downstairs just because Elliot didn't want to carry Olivia all the way up the stairs.

Elliot had decided that going on vacation and spending Christmas at the cabin, was the perfect way to spend the break they had off from school and work. He wanted to make memories with Olivia even though his heart was set that she was going to put this cancer behind her once again.

"That was the last bag," Julie said plopping down onto the suede couch.

"Thank you," Elliot said, "We have a few more hours of sleep to catch. We have to be up by noon so we can go to that restaurant you talked about."

Julie yawned, "Goodnight."

"Night."


	12. Chapter 12

"When did we get here?" Olivia asked opening her eyes and turning her body toward Elliot.

"This morning," Elliot smiled, "You didn't even wake up when I carried you in."

Olivia chuckled, "I guess I was pretty tired."

"I guess you were," he agreed, "We should get up though. We have reservations for brunch."

Olivia groaned and wipe her eyes with the back of her hand, "I haven't had brunch since we first started dating."

"Me either."

Elliot smiled stupidly at the memory. It was they day he realized he was in love with Olivia and they had gone to lunch because they had the day of from work. When they got there they both ended up ordering breakfast so they decided they would call it brunch. He could remember the smell of the sweet syrup from Olivia's pancakes and the smell of grease from the bacon that rested on his tray.

"I'll go wake Julie up," Olivia said pushing the covers off of her and climbing out of bed. "You take longer than I do to get ready anyways."

She walked up the stairs to the room where Julie was staying in and pushed the door open gently. She smiled at the bittersweet moment in front of her. Julie was lying with the blanket half on her and halfway to the floor and she was sprawled out all over the bed. Olivia remembered when her and Elliot had spent their first night with Julie.

_"She's so beautiful," Olivia said with happy tears in her eyes, "I can't believe she's actually here."_

_ Elliot reached his arm around Olivia's waist and pulled her closer to him as they peered over the baby crib and watching as the tiny little girl slept. _

_ "We did it," Elliot said kissing her temple, "We did it."_

_ "I don't think I've ever been happier," Olivia said with the first tear streaming steadily down her cheek._

_ "I think our lives turned around for the better," Elliot whispered, "So much better."_

_ "Like they say, life begins at 40."_

_ "Neither one of us are quite there yet," he said, "We still have about five years."_

_ "She's perfect," Olivia said turning her attention back to Julie, "Absolutely perfect."_

_ Elliot smiled and turned his head so he could get a good view of Olivia's expression when he said, "Just like you."_

_ "Mom?" Julie mumbled bringing Olivia back to reality, "What are you doing?"_

"Uh, nothing," Olivia smiled, "I was just coming to wake you up. Time to get ready for brunch."

Julie yawned and stretched her arms above her head before swinging her feet over the side of the bed and stretching again, "I'll be down in a second."

When Olivia got back downstairs Elliot was brushing his teeth and she walked up next to him by the sink with her hair brush in hand.

"I'm the one who takes forever?" Elliot teased.

"Uh-huh."

Olivia took the brush to her hair and ran it through one time before stopping and dropping the brush to the floor. Elliot saw what happened and he wasn't quite sure what to say.

"I wasn't expecting to lose it so soon," she said staring at the hair that was now lying in the sink, "It was just getting long again."

"It's just hair," Elliot said trying to lift her spirits a little, "It'll grow back."

Olivia sighed and sat down on the toilet seat. "I can't go like this to a fancy place," she said, "What am I suppose to do now?"

Julie, who was now sitting on the steps with her hair up neatly in a half pony tail and a nice dress on, had heard the conversation her parents were having. She knew how much her mother loved her hair, she talked about it a lot. She also didn't think about how hard it was for a woman to lose her hair. Her hair was a part of what made her her.

"Mom," Julie said slowly walking to the bathroom, "I want to shave my head."

Olivia and Elliot both gave Julie stunned looks, "Jules," Olivia said , "You don't have to do that. You love your long hair."

"I love you more," she said choking on her words, "I want to do it. Please."

"I can't let you do that," Olivia insisted, "I'll be fine."

"I want to," Julie argued, "Dad?"

Elliot bowed his head, not wanting to get in the middle of it.

"How about we just fix Mom's hair up really pretty? That way nobody will even know."

Julie smiled, "Okay."

Elliot and Julie carefully pieced Olivia's hair up into a clip and it looked as fancy as ever.

"I like it," Olivia smiled into the mirror, "And I adore the people who did it."

Elliot looked down at his watch to see that it was a quarter passed ten, "We better get on the road," he said, "Don't want to get lost on the way and miss our time slot."

When they arrived at the place for brunch just on the skirts of town, the waiter was all smiles and helped them to their table. He took their orders and told them that their food would be out right away. Olivia was always one for a light breakfast, especially since she had been on chemo again. She settled for the meal that came with two plane pieces of toast, some potatoes, and a piece of ham. She didn't plan on eating the ham though because she didn't know if she could keep it down. She would give it to Elliot and he could add it to his pile of ham and potatoes. Julie was the last one to take her order and she was always so indecisive when it came between choosing things. She ended up settling on the same thing as Olivia.

"This is nice," Olivia said after the waiter had brought out their plates, "To not have to worry about work or anything."

"It is nice," Elliot added, "So I was thinking after here we could go walk on the trails behind the cabin?"

"That sounds nice," Olivia said taking a sip of her coffee.

Julie was quiet.

"What do you think Jules?" Olivia asked.

Julie shrugged, "I don't want to," she mumbled.

Olivia and Elliot were both surprised by Julie's answer. Usually she loved to do things outdoors with them.

"Why not?" Elliot asked.

She shrugged again, "I just don't want to."

"There's got to be a reason, Sweetie."

Julie shook her head no as she dragged her fork around the potatoes that had yet to be touched on her plate.

"Julie, what's wrong?" Olivia asked.

Julie looked up from her plate and her eyes were turning pink and glossy, "I don't want to make memories."

Olivia took a deep breath, "What are you talking about?"

"I thought about it last night," she explained, "Why we came up here during winter break and why you were both willing to let me miss some school. You want to make happy memories," she said choking on her words, "But we don't need to do that because you aren't going to die."

Now Olivia understood where Julie was coming from. "You want to take this one?" she asked Elliot.

Elliot wiped his mouth with a napkin and cleared his throat before he started talking. "Your mother and I wanted to come up here because we thought it would be a good place to spend Christmas. Somewhere away from the city. We thought you would have a good time."

"I am," Julie said.

Olivia smiled, "Then that's all that matters."


	13. Chapter 13

**If you don't like the characters, don't read the story. Simple. Thanks for the reviews!**

"Take my picture!" Julie shouted rushing to the side of the clear and pristine blue water.

Olivia held up the camera and snapped a shot that looked like Julie was about to jump right in. The weather was cold and the breeze was blowing causing them all to shiver underneath their winter coats. The lake beamed from the sun shining down on it and it couldn't have been a more beautiful day.

"I used to love ice-skating when I was a little girl," Olivia said. The ice layer that was on top of the lake had reminded her.

"On a lake?" Julie asked.

"More like a puddle I made myself," Olivia laughed. "I would get a pitcher of water and fill it up to the top at night time. Then before bed I would dump it outside in a grassy area next to my house and it would be frozen the next morning."

"Your mom let you do that?"

Julie knew little things about Serena. She knew that she had passed away some years ago but she never knew why and Olivia never talked about it.

"She didn't know I did it," Olivia said simply.

Julie didn't bother to pry the information out of her. She figured if she wanted to talk about her mother she would have done it already.

"Hey guys!" Elliot said out of eye sight.

Olivia and Julie both turned around from where they were standing to see where Elliot was when a snowball came tossed their way.

"Not nice!" Julie hollered after him.

Then came another one and this one hit Julie right in the leg. She reached down to the ground to scoop some snow into her hand and then threw it as hard as she could in Elliot's direction.

"Gotcha!"

Everyone was laughing now and snow balls were being tossed in every direction. They stayed outside behind the cabin as long as they could without getting frostbite on their noses.

"I'll make some hot chocolate," Elliot said beginning to shed out of his now wet layer of clothes.

Olivia headed into the bedroom where she grabbed a pair of cozy pajamas from one of her suitcases and laid them out on the bed. She stripped out of her cold and wet clothes and slipped the new ones on and traded places with Elliot in the kitchen.

The sun was going down now and they were all gathered around the warm crackling fire. Everybody had their sleep clothes on and their mugs of hot chocolate in their hands. Nobody said anything and saying nothing meant everything. Every so often Olivia and Elliot would catch each others gaze and slightly smile. Elliot would just stare into her eyes and watch as the flames from the fire reflected in them.

"I think I'm going to head up to bed," Julie said through a yawn, "I'm getting tired."

"Goodnight," Olivia said giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight," Elliot said doing the same.

"Goodnight. Love you guys."

"Love you too," they said in unison.

Julie trudged up the stairs with her purple fuzzy blanket dragging down the steps behind her until she disappeared out of sight.

"I'm tired too," Elliot said stretching his arms up above his head, "Want to head to bed?"

Olivia nodded her head and proceeded in standing up. "El, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he said following her into the bedroom.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and took in a deep breath before closing her eyes. "I know what I want to get Julie for Christmas."

Elliot raised an eyebrow before throwing the covers back and crawling into bed, pulling Olivia close to him. "What would that be?"

"Tickets to meet Carrie Underwood," Olivia said quietly, "It's her favorite singer and I want this to be a Christmas she'll never forget."

"Honey, that's a lot of money."

"I know," she said sadly, "But we have the money to spend."

Elliot turned onto his back and wrapped one of his arms around Olivia while her head rested on his chest. "If it's what you want..."

"It is," she said, "We can all go."

"I love you, ya know?"

"I love you too," she said before giving him a goodnight kiss, "More than you'll ever know."

It was nearly three in the morning and Olivia had woken up with some chest pain. She brushed it off and closed her eyes again trying to fall back asleep but then she felt a wave of nausea hit her. She quickly threw the blankets off of her and made a dash to the bathroom.

She heaved into the toilet a few times but she hadn't had much to eat all day so there was nothing but acid coming up. Her throat was burning and she had tears pooled in her eyes. She leaned her back against the side of the tub, too afraid to go back to bed because she might have to get sick again.

"Liv?" Elliot said walking into the bathroom, "What happened?"

"I'm fine," she managed to say, "Go on back to bed."

"Like hell you are." He grabbed a clean washcloth from the sink and got it damp with cold water. He brought it Olivia and lay it around her neck. Then he sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her waist, letting her head rest on his shoulder. "What hurts?"

Olivia sighed, "I told you I was fine."

"I don't believe you," Elliot said in a serious yet kind tone, "You're sitting on the bathroom floor soaked in sweat and your facial expression gives it all away."

"My chest was hurting," Olivia explained, "But, it wasn't too bad so I just brushed it off and then I got really nauseous."

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"It's no big deal," she answered.

"Does your chest still hurt?"

Olivia didn't answer. She was too busy concentrating on keeping her stomach settled because she could feel it creeping up on her again. Her eyes were squeezed shut and she squeezed Elliot's hand in hers. He took it as a gesture that she wasn't doing too well.

"Come on," he said pulling away from her, "Let's get you back into bed." He helped her up and walked her into the bedroom where she pretty much collapsed onto the bed. The hair she still had was sticking around her face from the sweat and she was starting to breathe heavily.

"Something's wrong," she said, "I shouldn't be feeling like this." She was near tears and Elliot hated seeing her like this.

"I'll get your pain pills." He rushed back into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet that supplied all of the medicine Olivia would need. He took two of the pills out and carried them with him back into the bedroom.

"It's hot in here," she complained.

"Honey, it's freezing."

"I'm hot," she complained kicking the covers off.

"Okay," he said, "I think there's a fan in Julie's room. I'll go get it."

He tried his best to be quiet while grabbing the fan because he didn't want to wake Julie up and have her worry. He thought he had completed the task until he got to the door and realized the cord was about to knock something off the dresser.

"Dad?" Julie asked opening her eyes, "What are you doing?"

"Just getting the fan," he answered simply, "Go back to sleep."

Julie did fall back asleep and Elliot was thankful. He didn't know if he could handle trying to calm two people down. He carried the fan back downstairs and into the bedroom only to see that Olivia was sleeping. He let out a sigh of relief. He didn't know how much longer he could take this. The pain that it put him through to see the love of his life so sick and in so much pain. Whenever he had thoughts like this he pushed them away. He shouldn't be the one complaining, after all Olivia was the one with cancer. She was the one who had to suffer through all the real pain.

Elliot plugged the fan in anyway and aimed it at Olivia so she would be cool through the rest of the night. He made sure her glass of water was filled next to the bed and then he climbed in his self and snuggled close to her. Her scent engulfed him and he started to cry.

**That was a sad chapter to write... The next few are happy ones though!**


	14. Chapter 14

Julie was the first one awake the next morning and she was happy because she had a few surprises to work out. Christmas was now only a week away and she couldn't have been more excited. Every year for Christmas she got her mom and dad a special present and every year they claimed they loved it. This year, Julie was determined to make it the best present yet. She didn't know how it would turn out, but she was going to try anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Julie. I was just calling to see if you guys were still coming up tonight."

"We should be there around four tomorrow morning," Kathleen answered, "But with Lizzie being as slow as she is it might be later."

Julie let out a small laugh. She had grown to know Lizzie as the one who was always running late to things and always blamed traffic.

"Do they suspect anything yet?"

"Not yet," Julie said, "And I'm hoping to keep it that way."

"Jules," Elliot said popping into the living room, "Who are you talking to?"

Julie turned around, startled that Elliot had heard her, "Uh- bill collector," she lied. "Got to go," she whispered into the phone. She hung it up and placed her cell phone safely in her pocket where nobody would ever have to know who she was talking to.

"What's a bill collector doing calling your cell phone? You're fourteen."

"They had the wrong number," she shrugged casually, "What are you doing up so early anyway?"

"Well I heard talking," Elliot said suspiciously, "You sure that was a bill collector?"

She nodded, "Positive, Dad. No need to go all detective on me."

Elliot walked on over to the refrigerator and grabbed the carton of orange juice. Then he grabbed a glass cup from one of the cabinets and filled it until it was half full.

"I'm on to you," he said after quenching his thirst, "You better watch out."

Of course Elliot was just teasing. He didn't know who Julie was talking on the phone with but, Julie was still getting antsy. She didn't want them to find out too soon. That would ruin the surprise. She wanted it to be special and she wanted to see the looks on their faces when it happened.

Not only were the Stabler kids all coming to Nashville to finish the vacation with them, it was going to be the first Christmas in almost three years that they were all together as a family. Julie had planned on having them come up early so they could all cook dinner together and just have a good time. She had heard her parents talking in their room one night about how they liked all the craziness that Christmas brought and how they loved spending it with family. She planned to make this happen for them.

It was almost noon now and Elliot and Julie had done nothing all day besides sit in front of the television and watch reruns of old Christmas movies. Julie hadn't wondered why Olivia was still sleeping so late in the afternoon, she just figured it was because they didn't have any plans until later on. When it finally turned one she got a little worried so she decided to ask.

"Dad, how come Mom's still asleep?"

Elliot turned his attention away from the commercial advertising coffee and said, "She had a rough night."

"Is she okay?"

"She'll be fine," he said positively.

Julie smiled, "I can't wait until tonight."

"What's so special about baking cookies? You guys do it every year."

"Tradition," she answered giggling.

"What's tradition?"

Olivia had walked into the living room hearing the last bit of the conversation and decided to join in. She was wearing a purple pair of silk pajamas and her black fuzzy house shoes.

"Baking cookies," Julie answered turning around in her chair.

"I can't wait until this place smells like pumpkin spice and peanut butter," Olivia said taking a deep breath and letting the air engulf her. She walked over to the couch where Elliot was sitting and sat down next to him. The movie came back on from it's commercial break and they turned their attention back to the television set.

"How are you feeling?" Elliot whispered into Olivia's ear.

"I'm fine," she said.

He didn't know if he believed her or not. She seemed fine. She was smiling and paying attention to the movie and she didn't look pale like she had last night. Then again, she could still look good and not feel well.

The polished wood counter tops were covered in colors from red to green and blue to gold with cookie doughs, sprinkles, sugar, and little candies. The oven was on and warming the house and soon the baking tradition would continue.

"What kind should we make first?" Olivia asked. Elliot was helping her tie her apron in the back so she wouldn't get flour all over her purple blouse.

"Peanut butter," Julie answered, "Those are my favorite."

"You know," Elliot said making his way to the other side of the counter and pulling out a stool to sit down, "Your mom used to be a really bad cook. She couldn't even boil water without burning it."

"Yeah right," Julie said, "Mom's a great cook."

"No, he's right," Olivia said throwing some flour down on the table, "I never used to cook. I lived off of take-out. I didn't even know how to work the oven."

"What changed?"

"We had you," she said smiling, "Somebody in the house had to learn to cook."

Then there was a knock on the door on all their heads turned. "Who would know we're here?" Elliot asked.

"I'll get it," Julie said rushing to the door. She threw her apron off over her head and it fell delicately to the floor. She wasn't for sure if it was them but, she hoped so. She unlocked the door and pulled it open.

"You guys are here!" Julie threw her arms around Kathleen as they shuffled their way into the cabin.

Elliot and Olivia's faces lit up. They were both shocked. "What are you guys doing here?" Olivia asked.

"We are your Christmas gift," Maureen answered, "Surprised?"

Olivia nodded and made her way into the living room to hug them all. "Did you plan this?" she asked Julie.

Julie nodded, "I want this to be the best Christmas ever."

Olivia smiled and after she gave Dickie his hug she hugged Julie, "Thank you."

"So, Dad," Lizzie said noticing that Elliot was the only one in the kitchen by all of the cookie material, "You bake?"

Elliot laughed, "No. I do not. Now get in here and give me a hug!"

All the Stabler children took turns giving their dad a hug and then Elliot went outside to help them carry their luggage in. They all had suitcases and Elliot had no idea where they were all going to sleep.

"Don't worry," Julie said seeing Elliot's face, "I planned it all out. Dickie and Eli are going to share the room across from mine, Maureen and Lizzie are going to share the one down the hall and Kathleen is going to room with me."

"You really did think this all through didn't you?"

"I told you I did," Julie smiled. "Well now that everybody's here, let's get baking!"

**I just want to say that this is focused more on the family side of things rather than the treatment side of things. Thank you for the all of the reviews!**


	15. Chapter 15

It was later that same night and everybody was sitting around on the living room floor by the fire. The only light that was given was the orange glow from the flames and as the room grew quiet you could hear the crackling wood burning away. The smell of the cookies still roamed the air and Julie couldn't have asked for a better day.

Olivia was lying against Elliot as she tried to keep her eyes open. All of the children were quiet thinks to all the delicious cookies they had stuffed their stomachs with. Elliot looked down at Olivia and noticed she was starting to look a little pale.

"You feeling alright?"

She nodded, "I'm fine."

All the kids now had their attention focused on Olivia because they knew how she was. If they were around she wouldn't say if she felt bad because she didn't like being weak in front of people.

"You don't look so good," Elliot said placing his hand on her forehead to see if she had a temperature, "You feel warm."

Olivia sighed, "I'm fine, El."

Elliot sighed, "Liv..."

Olivia stood up and walked away down the hall into the bedroom they were staying in. All the kids just looked to Elliot for an explanation but he didn't have one.

"I'll go check on her," Julie said, "You guys should spend some time together."

Julie got up from her spot between Dickie and Lizzie and made her way down the hallway. "Mom?" she asked knocking lightly on the bedroom door, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Olivia said again. This time Julie knew it was a lie. She could hear the tears in he voice as she talked.

Julie pushed the door open and saw Olivia sitting on the bed with her arms squeezed around her pillow and tears in her eyes. Julie felt like crying instantly. "Hey," she said walking over to her and giving her a hug, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I'm just tired," Olivia said forcing a smile on her face, "I'm okay. Go back out there and have fun."

Julie sighed, "What hurts?" she asked.

Olivia looked at her in the eyes and started crying even harder, "I'm sorry," she said quietly, "I hate that I have to do this to you. I hate it so much."

"I hate it too," Julie said with her own tears now falling freely, "I wish you weren't sick. I hate that you don't feel good."

Julie wrapped her arms around Olivia again and held her tightly until her mother stopped crying. She had never seen her mother cry before until this whole cancer ordeal. She always saw her mother as a super hero. Someone who was able to see the good in everything and never cried. Seeing her cry like this made her realize just how much pain she was suffering.

"You okay now?" Julie asked.

When there was no answer Julie got a little worried and pulled out of the embrace of Olivia to see that she was passed out. "Mom?" Julie asked with fear evident in her voice. "Mom?!" She lay Olivia down on the bed so that her head was resting on the pillow and then took off running to get Elliot.

"Dad!" she said breathing heavily, "Mom's unconscious!"

All eyes were on Julie and Elliot practically jumped into the air and ran to call an ambulance. When the EMTs arrived they rushed to get Olivia on the gurney and to the hospital.

"I hate to run but-"

"Go," Dickie said to him, "I'll take care of everything here. Just make sure she's okay."

Elliot nodded and patted Dickie on the shoulder. It was then he realized that Dickie was a man now and he had nothing to worry about leaving him in charge.

Julie was scared for her mother and worried that she wouldn't be okay. She wanted to ride with her but there was only room for one other person in the ambulance.

"Hey," Maureen said sitting down next to her on the couch, "It'll be okay. Your mom is tough. She'll be fine."

Julie shook her head no. "You don't understand," she said sadly, "She was crying. She was scared. She's never scared."

Maureen sighed and looked up at Kathleen who had heard what Julie said. Kathleen gave her a sad smile. "She's tough," Maureen repeated.

At the hospital Olivia was now in her own room resting. She still hadn't woken up but the doctors didn't seem too worried. They had to put an oxygen mask on her for awhile to get her oxygen levels up but once they were high enough the mask could come off. Elliot was sitting next to the hospital bed holding Olivia's hand in his. His mind was wondering about all the things that could go wrong.

"Stop worrying," Olivia said groggily.

Elliot looked down and saw that she was awake, "You were unconscious and you still know what I'm thinking," he said with a small smile, "That's one of the many things that I love about you."

Olivia forced a smile, "I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to ruin the night."

"You didn't," he assured her.

She sighed and turned her head toward the window where the blinds were open, "It's snowing," she stated.

Elliot nodded, "It sure is."

"I don't want to die," she said in the weakest voice Elliot had ever heard come from her, "I don't want to leave you and Julie."

Elliot felt his heart break into a million tiny pieces, "You won't. You're going to get better. Just like before, okay? It just takes time."

Olivia nodded but she didn't agree. Somehow she knew that this was different than last time. Last time she didn't feel like this, it wasn't the same. This time, everything was so much different. She had so much to live for and so much left she wanted to do. She wanted to see Julie grow up and get married. She wanted to have grand kids. She knew it was too much to want. Her life always turned out this way and this time it wasn't any different.

"Julie?" Olivia asked, "Is she okay?"  
"She's a little shaken up," Elliot answered honestly giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I shouldn't have let her see me like that," she said sadly, "She was probably scared."

"You should call her," Elliot said taking his cell phone and handing it to her.

Olivia accepted the phone and dialed the familiar number of Julie's cell phone. It rang twice and then Julie answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Olivia said, "It's me."

"Hey," Julie said wiping the tears away from her eyes, "Are you okay?!"

"Yeah," she answered, "I called to see if you were okay. Dad said you were a little scared."

Julie nodded even though Olivia couldn't see her.

"I want to tell you something," Olivia said to her, "I want to tell you something I didn't learn until a short while ago."

"What's that?"

Olivia took a deep breath and looked to Elliot for support. "That's it's okay to be scared," she stated, "It's okay to be afraid and it's okay to cry. That doesn't make you weak or anything. If anything it shows people just how strong you are." She heard Julie sniffed and she reached to wipe her own tears that were falling freely.

"Okay," Julie said.

"Okay. Hey Jules?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Mom."


	16. Chapter 16

The main doctor that had been seeing Olivia while they were on vacation had advised she spend a few days in the hospital. They had her hooked up to an IV so she would constantly be getting fluids. One of the reasons she kept passing out was from being dehydrated. Of course Olivia had argued against it. She even broke out the puppy dog face to Elliot hoping he would take her home.

"I'm sorry," Elliot had said, "I want you to get better and the doctor says it's best for you to stay here. You can come home in a few days."

Now Elliot was sitting out in his car in front of the cabin thinking of how he was going to break the news to Julie. She had planned all of these things for the whole family to do together and he wasn't sure how she was going to take it that Olivia couldn't be there. He saw how upset she was last night and he didn't want her to be like that so close to Christmas. Kathleen, who was just walked passed the window and saw the car, smiled sadly to herself and slipped on her jacket.

"I'll be right back," she said to Lizzie. Lizzie had been reading on the couch and just gave a slight nod of her head without looking away from her book.

Kathleen walked through the foot of snow in her snow boots out to the end of the driveway where Elliot was oblivious to her approaching.

"Hey," she said climbing into the passenger's side of the car.

"Hey," he said looking up a little startled, "I didn't know you saw me."

She nodded, "How's Liv?"

"Her doctor said it was best if she stay in the hospital for a few days," he answered sadly, "They are giving her IV fluids because she was so dehydrated."

"How are you doing?"

Elliot sighed and turned to look out at the window at the surrounding trees covered in snow. It was a beautiful sight yet Elliot hated it. He didn't think it should look so beautiful outside when on the inside everybody was suffering.

"Not good," he said quietly with tears forming in his eyes, "I... she's so sick and Julie is terrified of losing her mom."

Kathleen listened intently as Elliot explained how he was feeling. Kathleen felt bad for him. She had only seen him like this once before when he was having a tough time at work and at home but this, this was different.

"You're scared," Kathleen stated, "That's okay... All of us are scared. None of us want to see Olivia... you know... die."

Elliot shuttered, "What do I do? I can't lose her. Julie can't lose her mom. I-I can't..."

Kathleen reached up and placed a hand on his shoulder, "You wouldn't have to do it alone. You all of us. We will help you. We are going to be here every step of the way. For all of you."

"That means a lot," Elliot said, "Really, it does. When did you get so grown up?"

Kathleen smiled, "When Olivia helped me," she answered honestly. "Come on, we should tell the others what's going on."

They walked in the house together and everyone inside wondered where Olivia was. Elliot explained why she was still in the hospital and the atmosphere of the room went somber.

"Where's Jules?" Elliot asked seeing that she was the only one not in the room.

"Her room," Dickie answered, "Last time I checked she was still asleep."

It was two in the afternoon and Julie never slept this late. Elliot made his way up the twenty or so steps and knocked lightly on her door before entering. She was lying on her stomach in her bed and her face was buried in her pillows.

"Hey," Elliot said quietly, "How come you're not downstairs with everybody else?"

"I don't want to get out of bed," she said in a sad voice.

"You can't stay in bed forever," Elliot said sitting down next to her.

"Yes I can."

"Jules... what's wrong?"

Julie lifted her head up from her pillows and looked Elliot in the eyes, "Mom's dying!"

He knew it was coming but he wasn't prepared for what to say. How was he going to make her feel better when he couldn't even make his self feel better?

"Not today," Elliot said, "Not for a long time."

"Yeah right," she said rolling her eyes, "Why isn't she here then? Why is she in the hospital?"

"She needed an IV so she could get some fluids in her body," Elliot explained, "She isn't dying."

"She shouldn't have to be there," Julie cried, "It isn't fair! She does so much good for people and this is how God repays her? Why is he doing this? It's not fair!" Julie was hysterical and the only thing Elliot could think to do was wrap her in his arms and hug her.

"It isn't fair," Elliot said rubbing her hair, "But God does everything for a reason."

"So he's taking away my mom for a reason?"

Elliot shrugged, "Nobody except him can answer that."

"What kind of cruel world is it when your mom is in the hospital on Christmas?"

Elliot sighed and kissed the top of her head. He had asked himself similar questions throughout his career at SVU. He asked why the world was so cruel and why people did what they did. He would never know the answer and he would never understand it either.

"I want to be just like her," Julie said, "I want to be a detective who everybody looks up to. I want to help people just like she did. I want to be able to be brave and stand up for myself. I want to be fearless."

Elliot couldn't help but smile because in that exact moment his daughter sounded exactly like the Olivia Benson he knew and loved. He couldn't have been more proud.


	17. Chapter 17

Since Kathleen knew how much her dad was hurting she decided to step things up around the cabin so Elliot would have less to worry about. She heard him earlier discussing what he would cook for dinner for everybody because Olivia was usually the cook in the house. She decided to talk to Maureen and together they went to the store and bought some things that they knew how to cook and knew that everybody would like. Or hoped so anyway.

"Dickie!" Maureen yelled entering the living room with grocery bags full in her arms.

"What do you want?" he teased hopping down the stairs.

"Can you help Kathleen with the rest of the bags?" she asked, "There's just a few."

"Sure," he said not too thrilled.

He knew that they were trying to help with things around the house but, he was helping too. He was the main one watching Eli all the time when Elliot was at the hospital. He was the one who kept asking Julie if she was okay and he was the one who called Olivia every night before he went to sleep just to talk. He didn't ask her how her she was feeling or anything like that, he figured she got asked that all the time, he just talked to her about normal things. They talked about the army a lot. Dickie was still considering going and he wanted to know what Olivia's take on that was. She told him that if it's what he really wanted than he should do it but, if he's only doing it to piss of his dad then don't. She told him he could be anything in the world he wanted and Dickie liked hearing things like that. With a house full of girls who always made straight A's, he felt like nobody paid attention to him.

"I know your favorite food is mom's chicken pasta," Kathleen said carrying in the last bit of groceries and placing them on the counter, "So I bought the stuff to make it."

"Thanks," Dickie mumbled. He didn't think his sister's ever listened to him.

Elliot came walking into the room with a tired look on his face. He had just came downstairs from Julie's room and he plopped down on the couch in front of the TV. It didn't go unnoticed by any of his children that he was upset.

"I got this," Kathleen said to Maureen, "Go talk to him."

Kathleen put the groceries away and left out the things she needed to use for dinner. She filled a pot with water and pasta noodles and sat it on the burner for it to boil.

"Hey Dad," Maureen said quietly making her way over to him, "You okay?"

"I'm fine," he sniffed, "Julie's... she's uh- she's not doing so well. She's really upset and I don't know what to do for her. She says she doesn't want to come downstairs until Olivia get's home."

Maureen sighed, she knew what it was like to have one parent gone from the house and it wasn't a good feeling.

"Maybe you should take her up to the hospital," Maureen suggested, "What can it hurt?"

Elliot shrugged, "Liv doesn't want Julie to see her like that. She's really sick. Her doctor says she's gotten a little better but, he doesn't know if she will be home for Christmas. I didn't know how to tell Jules."

Maureen placed a hand on Elliot's shoulder, "Take her up to the hospital. We will be fine here."

Elliot sighed again and shook his head, "You guys came up here to spend time with the family and we haven't even been able to do that."

"We understand," Maureen said, "All of us care about Liv too. We just want her to get better so she can come home. I hate seeing Julie so upset. I don't think I've ever seen her so sad. Which is why I understand. I know what it's like to not have one of your parents at home all of the time. You weren't even sick so, in a way I know what she's going through. She needs you now more than ever."

Elliot had tears pooled in his eyes as he turned his head away from his oldest daughter, "I can't loose her," he sobbed, "I worked so hard to be with her and we got through the cancer the first time and then... it's not fair."

"You're right," Maureen whispered, "It's not fair."

Elliot swat angrily at his tears and then turned his head back to Maureen, "Thanks," he said taking a deep breath, "You're a great kid."

"Dad," she said teasingly, "I'm not a kid!"

"You'll always be my kid," he smiled and pulled her closer to him to kiss the top of her head.

"I love you Dad," she said.

"I love you too, kiddo."

**Short chapter just so I don't keep you guys waiting so long.**


	18. Chapter 18

Julie stopped just outside Olivia's hospital room and looked down to the ground.

"What's wrong?" Elliot asked her, "Don't you want to go in?"

"What if I say the wrong thing?" the worry in her voice was clearly evident.

Elliot sighed, "You won't," he said, "Go on in."

Julie hesitated for a moment but, she couldn't wait any longer to see Olivia. She wanted to see her now. She opened the door and walked in quietly, in case Olivia was asleep.

"Hey!" Olivia said seeing them, "I missed you so much!" She held her arms out for a hug and Julie ran straight into them.

"I missed you too," Julie said trying to keep her tears back.

"Hey..." Olivia said when Julie let go, "Don't cry."

Julie couldn't help it, "I'm sorry," she said wiping at her tears, "I just want you to come home."

"I know," Olivia said sadly, "I want to come home too..."

Julie nodded and climbed up onto the hospital bed on the space that Olivia had made and snuggled close to her, "Kathleen and Maureen are making dinner," Julie informed, "Dickie said we should save you some and bring it to you."

"That sounds nice," Olivia smiled, "What are they making?"

"Chicken pasta," she answered, "Maureen says that Kathleen does a really good job of making it."  
"That sounds delicious. I haven't really been able to eat anything lately. It makes me too sick."

Julie frowned again, she knew she would end up saying the wrong thing. She shouldn't have even brought it up.

"When are you coming home?"

Elliot cleared his throat from where he was sitting but neither one of them paid attention to him, "I don't know, Jules. I don't know."

"Are you going to be home on Christmas? You have to be there."

Olivia sighed and tried her best to keep her tears from falling, "I'll try my best but, even if I'm not there, you'll have Dad and all the others."

"But I won't have you," she stated.

"You know," Olivia said with her tears falling again, "The day Dad and I got to bring you home, we couldn't have been more happy."

Julie smiled despite the tears, "What happened?"  
_"This house is a mess," Olivia complained, "The nursery isn't even close to being done and Julie could be here any day now!"_

_ "Relax," Elliot said handing her a glass of iced tea, "It'll get done."_

_ Olivia sighed, "I can't wait until she gets here. I can't wait to hold her and have her wrap her tiny hand around my finger and rock her to sleep when she's crying."_

_ Elliot smiled, "We'll finally have our family."_

_ Just then Olivia leaned into kiss him but was caught in mid-motion when her cell phone began ringing. _

_ "Hello?"_

_ "Olivia? This is Marissa. I'm at the hospital right now and the doctor says I'm almost ten centimeters."_

_ Olivia's eyes grew wide and her mouth was open in excitement. She hung up the phone without saying anything else to Marissa. She jumped off the ouch tossing her phone to floor. "Marissa's in labor! We have to go! NOW!"_

_ Olivia ran toward the door where she slipped on her shoes and grabbed her jacket, following Elliot down the steps and out to catch a cab._

_ "Hurry," she said rushing down the hallway of the hospital, "I don't want to miss this!"_

_ Elliot did his best to keep up the pace but Olivia was way ahead of him. She was just too excited. When the got the room where Marissa was in she was in the process of giving birth but, the doctor was kind enough to let them in. They stood up by Marissa's head and Olivia held her hand tightly._

_ "You're doing so good," she encouraged._

_ Five minutes later and Julie had arrived. She came out with that squeaky cry that all babies had. She already had a head full of brown hair. The doctor held the baby up for everyone to see and Olivia and Elliot couldn't have been happy. They both had tears of joy in their eyes._

_ "Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?"_

_ Elliot nodded and accepted the surgical scissors from the doctor's gloved hand. _

_ "Cut right here," the doctor instructed, pointing to a specific spot._

_ Elliot did just that and it was then he realized his family was complete. He couldn't wait to tell his older children that their baby sister was finally here._

"What next?" Julie asked with a wide grin on her face.

"We got to take you home that night," Elliot answered, "We didn't get any sleep. We stayed up all night working on the nursery so you would have your room ready."

"You guys are the best," she said, "I don't know where I would be without you guys."  
Olivia wrapped her arms around Julie and pulled her closer to her so Julie's head was resting on her shoulder. She leaned down and gave a subtle kiss to the top of her head. "I love you," she whispered, "Don't ever forget that. I loved you since the very first day I laid eyes on you. You mean so much more to me than you know right now. You'll understand some day, when you have kids of your own."

"I don't want kids," Julie said surprising everyone in the room. "Not without you there to meet them."

"Don't say that," Olivia said rubbing her hand down Julie's arm in a soothing pattern, "You want kids."

"No. I don't," she repeated more sternly.

Olivia sighed and she opened her mouth to say something but before she could speak her thoughts were interrupted by the nurse walking in.

"How are ya feeling today?" the Southern lady with a brown bob cut questioned.

Olivia forced a smile on her face, "Some of my family came to visit so, I'm pretty good."

The nurse waved at Elliot and then Julie and walked closer to Olivia's bed side where she opened the manilla file folder in her hand and started reading it. "It says here that you had a slight fever this morning," she said, "I just want to check that to see if it's gone done any."

Olivia nodded and Julie pulled away from her reluctantly so the nurse could do her job. She walked over to sit on the arm of the chair where Elliot was currently seating. The nurse who introduced herself as Delilah, took out a thermometer from one of the cabinets in the room and replaced the tip on the end with a fresh one. She placed the thermometer in Olivia's ear and everybody waited silently for the ding. When the quiet beep sounded Delilah pulled the thermometer out and read the numbers aloud, "101.3, it's a little high. I talked to Dr. Montgomery and he would like for you to get some rest and try to lower that fever. He will be in here shortly to talk to you."

Olivia sighed and Julie looked a little more heartbroken, if that was even possible. "We just got here," Julie said sadly, pleading with her chocolate brown eyes to the nurse, "I haven't seen my mom in three days. Please. Just a little longer."

Delilah couldn't stand the sight of sad people, especially children. That was the one hard thing about her job, she was always around crying people and she had to be the bearer of bad news. "For a few minutes," she finally replied, "But then she really needs to get her rest."

Julie nodded and Delilah excused herself from the room. Julie climbed back up onto the bed and leaned against Olivia again. They finished their visit in silence and in hugs. Julie didn't want to let go. She felt like if she let go, she was letting go of her mother and that would never happen. Seeing her their in the hospital bed for the first time, she felt like the world was crashing down around her. How could this be the plan for her? The person who saved her from everything; the cold, the cruel, the sick, the person who vowed to love and care for her forever, was dying. How was it possible? She hadn't lived long enough to die. It wasn't fair. Before they left Julie gave Olivia the biggest hug she ever had and stormed out of the room without saying anything else.

"I love you," Elliot said giving her a passionate kiss, "Get some rest, okay? I don't want you tired when you come home for Christmas."

"El..."

"I mean it," he said kissing her again.

"I love you too," she said waving goodbye to him.

Now Olivia was alone in the cold sterile hospital room. Everything she had worked so hard for was falling apart and it was all her fault. She beat this disease once before, why couldn't she do it again? She still had so much to live for! "Damn it!" she sobbed throwing her head back against the pillow, "You can't give up Olivia! Think about Elliot. Think about Julie and all of the kids. They need you. Do. Not. Give. Up."


	19. Chapter 19

Elliot had a tough time falling asleep that night. He felt alone. The past few nights had been rough without Olivia lying there next to him asleep. He was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about how life ended up for him. He used to think he would get a happily ever after. After all of the things he had seen and done, he deserved one but, this was as far away from happy ever after than he could imagine. He heard footsteps coming down the stairs that were just outside his doorway and he figured it was Julie getting something to drink. He heard the doorknob creek and the door pushed open.

"Everything okay?" he asked turning his head to face his youngest daughter.

Julie just stood there quietly. Her figure was just an outline to Elliot as he squinted his eyes to see her through the dark of the night.

"Jules?"

"She did," Julie said in the saddest voice Elliot had ever heard her use.

"What? Julie, come here." He sat up in bed and patted the space next to him for Julie to sit down.

"In my dream," she clarified, "She didn't make it. We were all standing there having a good time and..." she couldn't finish her sentence. Wracked sobs over powered her and she just wanted to forget the terrible nightmare.

"Shh," Elliot comforted wrapping her in his arms, "It's okay. Mom's okay. She's alive. She's okay. It's going to be okay."

When the tears subsided Julie pulled away, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you I-"

"I wasn't asleep," Elliot said, "And you never have to apologize for that."

"Christmas is in one week," Julie stated, "We haven't even put up the tree."

"We will," Elliot said, "As soon as Mom gets home."

Julie was confused, she heard the nurse plain and clear earlier. "When is that going to be?"

"Tomorrow," Elliot said smiling, "Her doctor gave me a call and I was going to tell you but- you were already asleep. She gets to come home tomorrow. I figured we could all go up there and surprise her because she doesn't know yet."

Julie felt relief wash over, "Really? She gets to come home?"

"Yes," he nodded, "She gets to come home."

Elliot didn't have the heart to tell her that the reason Olivia was getting to come home was because the doctor was kind enough to realize this might be their last Christmas to spend together. She was doing as well as could be expected in the hospital and they figured being home for Christmas wasn't going to hurt her any.

Julie was more than excited to surprise Olivia at the hospital with news that she was getting to come home. She wanted to be the first one to tell her because she wanted to see the smile that she knew would appear on her face. The others were excited as well. Dickie was glad he was going to have someone to talk to about sports again because Elliot never knew what was going on. Kathleen was ready to bake more cookies with Olivia and learn how to make Olivia's special Orange cake.

"Come on!" Lizzie yelled tapping her foot at the front door, "We are going to be late."

All the children were bundled up in their winter coats along with hats, gloves and scarfs thanks to the recently fallen snow. There was another layer to the blanket on the ground and this was one was yet to be disturbed by footprints.

"I got the keys," Elliot said pulling them out of his pocket, "Let's go."

They piled into the car and drove silently to the hospital where Olivia was staying with no idea about what was about to happen.

Julie was just so excited for her mother to come home that she burst through the hospital room doors with a smile on her face. She was going to announce the news when she saw that Olivia was sleeping. The others piled in the room behind her and stayed quiet as they too saw her lying there asleep.

"Should we wake her?" Julie asked when Elliot entered the room.

He nodded, "I think she will be glad to hear the news."

Julie walked over to the bedside and gently shook Olivia on the shoulder, "Mom," she said, "Wake up. We have good news."

Olivia groaned and shuffled around in bed a little but her eyes fluttered open, "Jules? What are you doing here?"

"We're all here," she smiled pointing to the now crowded room, "We came to bring you home?"

Olivia sat up in bed and raised her eyebrow inquisitively, "What?"

"You get to come home!" Lizzie said excitedly, "Isn't that great?!"

"It's wonderful!"

"Your doctor called me last night and said it was alright," Elliot said sensing that she wondered how they got the go ahead.

She nodded, "I get to be home for Christmas," she said with a grin.

Elliot nodded and grabbed a brown paper sack that was resting on the floor that contained Olivia's regular clothes, "Let's get you out of here."  
**Short chapter... Up next they family puts up the Christmas Tree!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Amanda4Meloni – If you don't want to read you don't have too... but I love your reviews & I promise this is a happy chapter and more along the line! :)**

One of the many things that was packed along from New York and brought with them to the cabin was Christmas decorations. It had became a tradition of decorating the house until it was covered in green and red and lights with little Santa figurines. The kids had just finished carrying in the last boxes from the car just as the sun dipped behind the horizon. Olivia was wearing her favorite pair of pajamas because she wanted to be comfortable. Elliot had put on his pajamas too because he knew that Olivia didn't like to be the only one.

"That was the last box," Dickie said sitting down on top of another box that was stacked up against the wall.

"Let's get decorating," Olivia said cheerfully.

The first box to be opened was the one that contained all the little knickknacks. There were little Santas and sleighs with reindeer and Eli decided to take control of those. He placed them around the intables and up on the mantel above the fireplace. Dickie grabbed the colorful lights and took the responsibility of going out on the roof and tacking them down. Kathleen and Maureen took the box with the table clothes and changed all of the ones in the house. Then they got the ornaments ready for Julie to hang on the tree. Setting up the tree was Elliot and Olivia's job. They did it every year and even though they had the same old tree, they never put it together right the first try. All the corresponding letters and numbers were too confusing and the directions had been lost after the first year.

"That doesn't go there," Olivia said to Elliot as he tried to stick an end where it didn't go.

"Yes it does," he said, "Just give me a second."

Olivia crossed her arms in front of her chest and smiled as Elliot lost his battle with that part of the tree. "I told you," she teased, "That didn't go there."

Everything around the house was now done except for the last thing. The angel that went on top of the tree. The angel had been bought for Olivia after her first victory with cancer from Elliot and Olivia had put it on top of the tree every year since. Julie never knew the story behind it but, she figured there was something special about it. Olivia always smiled at the angel and admired it when she walked passed it.

"Here you go," Elliot said handing her the angel, "All yours."

She gladly accepted it and stood on her tip toes so she could reach the top. "It's finished," she said stepping back.

Now the room was perfect. It looked just how Christmas should look. All of the stockings with their names on them, the tree, the lights, it even smelled like Christmas thanks to all the goodies they had baked a little earlier that day.

As Olivia stood there with Elliot's arm wrapped around her, she felt a sense of joy. Her she was on Christmas, another year that she survived. She was surrounded by the ones she loved and cared about most and that was always something to be happy about. She watched the ornaments glisten as the colorful lights bounced off the shiny plastic and she felt her heart smile. Somehow she knew if she had to leave then her family would be okay.

"What are you thinking about?" Elliot asked after he kissed her temple.

"Nothing," she smiled.

"Sure?"

She nodded. She didn't want to talk about being sick anymore. She wanted to talk about the amazing life that she had. She wanted to talk about chocolate covered pretzels and candy canes and what Santa Claus was going to surprise them with this year.

As the late evening drifted into early night, everyone was slowly but surely heading off to their rooms to go to bed. Dickie was still wide awake and so were Elliot and Olivia.

"I'm glad you're here," Dickie said out of nowhere, filling the silence.

"I'm glad you're here," she said playfully.

Dickie smiled, there was something about Olivia that always made him feel safe. "I uh, I got you a present."

"It's not Christmas yet," Olivia said matter-of-factly, "Don't you want to wait?"

"No," he said, "I want you to have it now. I'll be right back."

Olivia watched in astonishment as Dickie took off toward his room. "He's just like you," she said turning to Elliot.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Elliot asked producing a cocky grin.

"Charming," she said honestly.

Dickie came rushing back down the hallway with a gift box in his hand that wrapped in red shiny wrapping paper, "Here," he said handing it to her, "I hope you like it."

Olivia tore the paper off of the git, tossing it to the floor as she did and when all the paper was off she started crying.

"What is it?" Elliot asked.

She ran her hand across the cover page, ignoring Elliot's question. The front was a picture of Olivia, Dickie, Lizzie, Kathleen, Maureen, Eli, Elliot, Julie, and even Kathy. They were all making silly faces and Olivia would always remember the day. It was Julie's 2nd birthday party and Olivia remembered the day well. She let out a sigh and opened the book to turn to the first page. Another picture took up the space and this time it was of her and Dickie on her and Elliot's wedding day.

She smiled, "This is a nice picture."

Dickie smiled, he felt accomplished that Olivia liked his gift. He had spent a long hard time working on and hiding it from everyone. He didn't want them to tell her before he got the chance to show her.

Underneath the picture was a note Dickie had written:

_I know we didn't start off on a great note...I'm sorry for that. I have grown up with you though Liv, you're just like a mother should be. I love you and I hope you have a very happy Christmas. Love Dickie. P.S I know I'm your favorite. Don't worry, I won't tell the others._

Olivia laughed out loud as she finished reading it. She closed the book and sat it beside her on the couch so she could pull Dickie into a hug.

"Thank you," she whispered, "I love it and I love you too." She didn't want to let go of the kid. She loved those kids more than anything. All of them.

"I'm going to go to bed now," he said pulling away, "Goodnight you guys."

"Goodnight," they said in unison.


	21. Chapter 21

**Amanda4Meloni – Thank you for your amazing comment! You're such an awesome reviewer so the beginning of the chapter is just for you!**

"What are you thinking about?" Elliot asked turning onto his side so he was facing Olivia. The moonlight was just bright enough for him to see the outline of her face.

"The kids," she answered with a smile lighting up her face, "Dickie. What he did was really sweet. He's a great kid, El."

"He gets that from me," Elliot said teasing.

"I just don't think he's going to like the gift we got him. What if he wants something else? We didn't really ask any of the children what they wanted. We just took it upon ourselves. I want them to be happy," she said rambling on.

"Our gifts to them are perfect," he whispered leaning closer to her and planting a gentle kiss onto her lips, "Stop worrying."

She inhaled sharply and all he could do was smile.

"I've really missed you not being here when I go to bed," he whispered as he pulled away slowly and cupped her face in his hands.

"I've missed you too. It was really lonely up there sometimes."

"You're here now," he said working his way to unbutton her shirt, "Let's not think about it. Let's just enjoy the moment."

"El," she said laughing, "All of the kids are asleep. We can't."

Elliot bit down gently on her ear lobe causing her to moan, "It's not or never," he whispered into her ear.

Maureen had been up all night, unable to sleep do to the noises that were coming from the room next to hers. She figured she knew what was going on so she stuck her earphones in her ears and blared the music. When the numbers on the clock finally hit seven, Maureen rolled out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen.

"Good morning," Olivia said in a perky tone, "How did you sleep?"

Maureen gave her an evil glare, "I didn't," she yawned, "Apparently there was a party going on in the room next to mine."

Olivia's face immediately changed three shades of red. It was as if she had put on too much blush.

"Sorry about that," she stammered, "I didn't…"

"It's okay," Maureen said feeling bad that Olivia was embarrassed, "I put my head phones in."

Olivia felt relieved, "Again, sorry."

Maureen just laughed at how embarrassed Olivia had become when she mentioned it. They were all seated on stools around the table eating breakfast when Julie came sprinting down the steps. She was already dressed in her day clothes which consisted of a pair of jeans, a t-shirt with a pink sweater over it, snow boots, and a scarf.

"How long have you been up?" Olivia asked her.

"For awhile," she answered grabbing a banana, "I need to show you something."

"Well show me."

"It's not here," Julie said taking a bite, "I have to take you somewhere."  
"You can't drive!"

"We're walking," Julie explained, "That's why I have these clothes on. Get ready!"

"Jules, what are you up to?"

"Just get ready," she said folding her hands in front of her chest, "Please!"

"Alright, alright," Olivia said stepping down from her seat, "I'll go get dressed."

Olivia got dressed in some warm clothes and wrote a note to Elliot explaining to him where she was going and about how long it would be. She had no idea the exact location or how long it would take. She didn't even know what she was going to see. She trusted Julie though so she buttoned up her coat and knotted her scarf and followed Julie out the door.

"So, uh, where are we going?"

"You'll see," Julie smiled, "It's a surprise."

"Oh yeah?" Olivia asked, "What kind of surprise?"

Julie stopped and turned to face Olivia, "It's sort of a Christmas present. I wanted you to have something special and while you were in the hospital I went on a walk..."

"Jules..."

"I ventured off a path and I found this beautiful place. It was covered in trees and the snow was placed beautifully. It had been untouched and it was the perfect blanket stretched across the earth."

She started walking again and Olivia followed behind her, puzzled as to what was actually awaiting. The walked for a good fifteen minutes and they both felt the cold temperature on the tips of their noses.

"Here," Julie said pointing to a disturbance in the snow.

Olivia looked down and read the letters that had been written, "I love you. Merry Christmas."

"I made it so that if anything happens to you... you can look down at that exact spot and you'll always remember it."

Olivia felt her tear ducts clogging up and she couldn't control it. She bit her bottom lip and opened her arms for Julie. "I love you so much Jules," Olivia whispered kissing the top of her head, "More than you'll ever know. This is beautiful and I love it. I'll always remember it."  
Julie felt the tears too, "I guess we should head back now," she said sadly, "It's pretty cold out here."

"Yeah," Olivia smiled, "Let's head back."

They walked back the fifteen minutes to the cabin and warmed up by the fire before changing out of their winter gear. Elliot was still asleep and nobody bothered waking him. He deserved the extra hours in bed.

"How are you feelin' today Liv?" Lizzie asked plopping down on the couch next to her.

Julie heard the question from where she was standing in the kitchen looking through the cabinets and she strained her ears to hear Olivia's answer. She was desperate to know how her mother was feeling but she hated asking.

"I'm feeling okay," Olivia answered with a small smile, "Tired but, okay."  
"Why don't you go take a nap with Dad?" Lizzie questioned, "He could probably use the company. We can handle things around here."

"That's okay," Olivia smiled at her generosity, "I like spending time with you guys."

"We like spending time with you too."

Julie smiled to herself as she pulled down a big of chips from the cabinet and started munching on them. "You hungry, Ma?"

Olivia thought about it for a moment, contemplating whether or not she felt hungry. She finally decided, "A little. I'll just have a banana."

Julie ripped off a banana from the fruit bowl that rested on the counter and tossed it to Olivia. She caught it up in the air.

"Nice catch."

It was going on noon now and everybody was lounging around the house doing their own thing. Dickie was reading a playboy magazine secretly in his room trying to keep it away from Eli who was asking a million questions. Lizzie, Maureen, and Kathleen were all in Lizzie's room talking about boys and painting their toes and Julie was on the couch watching the television with Olivia.

She noticed out of the corner of her eye that Olivia had her eyes closed tightly and her hand was over her stomach. She wondered if Olivia was okay but, she didn't want to bother her if she was just trying to catch some rest.

"Mom?" she asked quietly, "Are you okay?"

Olivia peeked her eyes open and gave Julie a half-way smile, "I don't know..."

"Want me to get Dad?" she asked panicking.

Olivia shook her head no, "I think I'll be okay."

"What's wrong?" Julie asked scooting closer to her, "What hurts?"

"My head," Olivia said, "I have an awful headache."

Julie nodded and stood up from the couch, "I'll go get your pain medicine. I'll be right back." She took off running to the bathroom where all of Olivia's medicine was in a Ziploc bag. She took the bottle out that she recognized as Olivia's pain medicine and rushed it back into the living room, forgetting about turning the bathroom light off.

"Here," she said handing Olivia two of the pills and a bottle of water, "They should help."

Olivia took the pills into her trembling hand and carefully popped them into her mouth, downing them with water. She swallowed hard. "Thank you," she said in a low whisper.

Julie nodded, "You should lay down," she suggested. She took the blanket off the back of the couch and helped Olivia lay back with her head against one of the throw pillows. She laid the blanket on top of her making sure she was nice and warm.

"I'm serious," Julie said, "Rest up. You need it and it should help with your headache."

"Okay," Olivia said nodding, "I will. I love you Jules."

"I love you too..." Julie head up the steps slowly to her, letting her tears fall freely down her rosy cheeks.


	22. Chapter 22

"Will you hand me the tape?" Olivia asked holding the gift wrap against one of the girls' gifts.

"Here you go," he said passing her the tape.

About half of the gifts were already wrapped and there was still a bunch to go. They had decided they had the money this year so that all of the kids would have a wonderful Christmas. They each had a fair amount of presents and surprises and the tree would be full by Christmas time.

"We're making good progress," Elliot said tossing another present into the pile, "Don't you think?"

"Great progress," she said.

Elliot stopped what he was doing and smiled. As he watched Olivia he realized that this Christmas wasn't like anything other Christmas. This Christmas could be the last one he ever spent with the love of his life. Things would never be the same again if she didn't make it. It could also be the Christmas they grew closer together, if that was even possible. Either way, it was going to be one that would be remembered.

"What are you smiling at?" Olivia asked noticing that he had been staring.

"You," he answered, "You look pretty hot in those pajamas."

Olivia laughed. She was wearing pajama pants that had reindeer on them and just a plain green t-shirt. "You look pretty hot yourself."

Elliot had his pajama pants on that had footballs on them and he was wearing a plan t-shirt his self. He leaned his body over so he could reach Olivia and gave her a kiss. "It's just the two of us here," he whispered, pushing the rest of the things off of the bed and onto the floor.

Olivia gave him a seductive smile, "This could be my Christmas present."

"You are my Christmas present," he whispered into her ear, sending shivers throughout her body.

"You're the best Christmas present I ever received," he whispered again into her ear, then beginning to kiss her down her jaw line.

"El..."

"Shh," he said putting his fingers to her lips.

The kids were all out at the store picking up a few more things before Christmas Eve which was the next morning. They planned on getting a present from all of them for both Olivia and Elliot. They had enough money to pretty much get whatever they wanted but, they wanted it to be special. They spent the time walking up and down every aisle, fighting the Christmas crowd as they went. The store was overcrowded and the Christmas songs playing over the speakers only added to the noise. People were bumping into each other and forcing their carts through tiny spaces as they fought to get to the toys first.

"We are never going to find anything for them here," Maureen complained, "It's so loud! I can't even think!"

Just then Kathleen stopped, looking at the shelf in front of her. "That's it," she said, "That's what we are getting them."

Everybody else looked up and instantly agreed that it was the perfect gift. It was the last one left and they grabbed it and sat it into the cart before anyone else would see it.

"Now let's get out of here," Maureen said.

"Wow," Olivia said breathing heavily, "That was..."

"Great," Elliot finished.

"Great," Olivia agreed, "Let's do it again."

Elliot laughed. If it wasn't for her being sick he would have wanted to do it again as well. He saw the way she was panting to catch her breath though and he wasn't sure it was a good idea. Of course, there was no way he was going to tell Olivia that. She would probably beat the shit out of him.

"The kids will be back any minute," he said, "We wont' have time."

Olivia sighed, "You're right."

Just as they had put all of their clothes back on and cleaned up the mess of presents on the floor, the kids walked through the door.

"Don't come out yet!" Dickie yelled, "We have to take something to our room first!"

"Oh no," Olivia said, "They got us something."

"What makes you say that?" Elliot asked slipping his shirt back on.

"Why else would they have to take it to their room and have us not look?"

"Good point," he said.

"Okay," Dickie announced from the hallway, "You guys can come out now."

Olivia and Elliot made their way into the kitchen where they helped put away the groceries. Tomorrow was going to be a big day for them because Kathy was coming down to give her presents to the children. They were going to have a big dinner together and everyone was going to help pitch in for making it. They had bought a ham and they were thankful there had been any left. They had tons of other food to make for the big day and they made sure it was all organized so it would be ready to go in the morning.

Olivia felt a little tired and weaker than usual. The walk she took with Julie this morning really did a number on her but, she wasn't going to tell Julie that. She appreciated the gift and she would cherish it always. Even the nap she had earlier didn't give her the rest she needed. She kept on pushing through though because she wasn't about to let her health ruin Christmas for anybody.

"You okay?" Elliot asked sneaking up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist.

"Yeah," she smiled, "I'm great."

Elliot kissed her again for the umpteenth time that night. He cherished every kiss they shared because he never knew when it could be the last.

"By the way," he whispered so none of the kids could hear, "Carrie's manager called."

"She did?" Olivia asked with her eyes wide, "When?"

"Earlier today," he said, "I forgot to tell you."

"What did she say?!"

Elliot smiled. They had worked hard for the past few months thinking of the perfect gift for Julie. She had been talking about it forever that she wanted to meet her idol, Carrie Underwood. She talked about it non stop and they knew that would be the best gift they could ever give her.

"She said yes," he whispered.

Olivia let out a sigh of relief and then a smile burst out on her face, "This is wonderful," she said, "This is perfect. Julie isn't going to know what to do!" They were standing face to face now and Olivia rested her forehead against Elliot's. Then they kissed... again.

"Get a room," Lizzie said.

The rest of them just laughed and appreciated that the mistletoe was hanging right about them.


	23. Chapter 23

**Amanda4Meloni – That's never going to happen!**

**A/N If you can't tell... I love Carrie Underwood. **

As soon as everyone was awake the next day they got busy. The ham was in the oven filling the house with it's sweet aroma. The pies were already finished and sitting on a table covered in one of the many Christmas cloths. There were two cheery ones and two apple ones because Olivia wasn't sure what everybody liked. The casseroles were set in their pans and the only thing left for them was to be baked in the oven. The other food wouldn't take as long to make so they were waiting until it was a little closer to dinner time until they started cooking it.

The house had been cleaned up thanks to Elliot and Dickie who refused to help with the cooking. Dickie kept saying it was the woman thing to do. Now the house was clean and the food was prepared so they only thing they were waiting on was Kathy to arrive.

"When's Mom going to be here?" Eli asked, "I miss her."

"She'll be here soon, Sweetheart," Olivia said rubbing the top of his head, "She's bring you presents too."

"Yes!"

Olivia laughed as Eli took off running down the hall and into his room where the toys he packed with him were sprawled out over the floor.

"You look nice," Olivia said admiring Olivia's dress.

"I feel good," she said with her smile growing even wider. She had her favorite Christmas dress on which consisted of a plain red sway dress that fell down to her ankles. The neck line dipped a little but it wasn't too overwhelming. After all, it was freezing outside.

"That's great," he said slipping her a kiss. "Today's going to be a big day."

"Did you let Kathy know about the gift?"

"I did," he nodded, "She's going to try to be here by then."

The day was nearing one in the afternoon and it was now time to have all the children gather in the living room.

"What's the special occasion?" Lizzie asked, "Mom isn't going to be here for another hour. I just got off the phone with her."

Olivia laughed at how impatient Lizzie was. Together Olivia stood in front of the couch where the kids were seated and Olivia leaned into Elliot's side as he had his one arm wrapped around her back.

"We have a Christmas present," Olivia said in a very excited voice.

"What is it?" Dickie asked.

Then there was knock on the door and Olivia felt like her heart was going to jump right out of her chest. She couldn't wait to see the look on Julie's face. She had her camera in her hand and ready to go.

"Jules, will you answer that?" Elliot asked.

"Sure." Julie pushed herself off the couch and made her way to the door, not suspecting anything. She unlocked the deadbolt and turned the handle exposing who was on the other side.

The petite blonde revealed her pearly whites as she smiled and waved at a shocked Julie. "Are you Julie?" Carrie asked.

Julie nodded. Her eyes wide. She was too stunned to talk. "I have a surprise for you and your family if you guys want to step outside."

"You're Carrie Underwood," Julie said finally gaining composure, "You're my idol. I adore you!"

"Come on," Carrie said motioning for Julie to follow her outside.

Julie rushed out of the cabin with the others falling behind her. They walked down the driveway to a small stage that was set up outside the front of Carrie's tour bus. All of her band players were standing there with their instruments ready to go.

"This is for you Julie," Carrie said into the microphone, "Merry Christmas."

Carrie Underwood started singing Julie's favorite song _Crazy Dreams_, and Julie couldn't believe what was happening. Carrie was really standing in front of her, performing her favorite song, just for her and her family.

"Merry Christmas, honey," Olivia said pulling her into a hug.

"I love you so much," Julie said hugging her tightly, "Thank you. This is the best Christmas present ever!"

After Carrie had sang a few songs, she jumped off the stage and had small chat with Julie privately. She told her how much she admired her for taking care of her mother while she was sick and that she knew it wasn't easy. She posed for some pictures and she also signed her autograph. Then she gave Julie a t-shirt that had her picture on it and said in her name in giant pink letters. The last picture they took was of Carrie, Julie, and Olivia. They were all smiling and Julie had a grin on her face from ear to ear.

"You guys have a wonderful Christmas," Carrie said before climbing onto her bus.

"Thank you," Julie said, "For taking the time out of your holiday and coming here. It means so much to me."

Tears sparked in Carrie's eyes and she couldn't believe how strong this family was, "You're welcome."

"That was so amazing!" Kathleen squealed once they were back inside the warmth of their cabin.

"I can't believe that was THE Carrie Underwood!" Lizzie added.

"She's hot," Dickie said adding his own two cents.

Elliot rolled his eyes, that would be the only thing his son thought about. He couldn't blame him. He was the same way when he was that age.

"Can it worm," Maureen offered, "She's absolutely beautiful."

Julie went up to Olivia and hugged her again. She was almost one hundred percent positive that this was her doing. Elliot probably would have never thought of trying to get a famous country superstar to visit as a Christmas present. He would have said she never would have done it because she's "too famous."

"I know this was you're idea," Julie said to Olivia, "I honestly can't thank you enough. You probably went through a lot to get her to come here."

Olivia smiled, "I did it for you. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Julie whispered hugging Olivia tightly another time.


	24. Chapter 24

**Thank you all for the awesome reviews and I'm glad you all like Carrie too! This is mostly a filler chapter on the Christmas Eve dinner and gifts. Next chapter will hopefully be up soon!**

Kathy had arrived about a half an hour after Carrie's tour bus had pulled away. Dickie helped her with her bags and carried them up into his room where they would stay until she needed them. Since all the rooms were taken Olivia and Elliot offered to give their bed to her and they would sleep on the pull-out couch. Kathy had denied them the bed and told them she would be just fine on the couch. However, Olivia refused to sleep until Kathy agreed on taking their bed so finally she just gave in.

Before they went back into the kitchen to slave away over the hot stove, they decided to mess with their presents and guess what they got. Nobody was too good at that game because Kathy made sure to wrap them up nicely and place small things in big boxes. She loved seeing the look on her kids' faces when the opened their presents.

Kathy also got a present for Olivia and Elliot. It took her awhile to find and even took her longer to realize that it was the perfect gift for them. She had it especially wrapped and put away so they couldn't open it until the next day. The agreement they had was the kids would open Kathy's presents on Christmas Eve and on Christmas day they would open their dad's and Olivia's. Kathy didn't feel like she needed to see her kids open her presents exactly on Christmas day. That wasn't what Christmas was about and this year, she felt like Olivia deserved it.

The presents from Kathy were now all sprawled out under the tree with their labels on them of whose present was whose. The lights from the tree were bouncing off the shiny wrapping paper causing little color blotches over the white walls. Everyone had gathered around the table and was no waiting patiently for dinner to be announced finished. The only thing they were waiting on was the mashed potatoes. Maureen's favorite.

"Dinner is finally finished," Olivia smiled untying her red apron and tossing it over the back of her chair, "Dig in."

They all rushed to get in line with their plates in hand. It was like ants marching up to a picnic of little kids and peanut butter sandwiches. Christmas was the one time of the year where they were all together. This year wasn't any different. Everybody was going about their normal business acting as if nothing was wrong. They had several things to be thankful for that holiday season. So many that they couldn't even count. They didn't mean they weren't upset with what was going on with Olivia.

Elliot, who was sitting next to Olivia and across from Kathy, couldn't help but watch as Olivia took slow bites and forced them into her mouth. She hadn't had an appetite lately because of all the medication she was on. It made her mouth feel metallic and it made things that were usually tasteful to her disgusting. She was trying to hide her misery though. She just wanted to have an enjoyable Christmas.

"The food is great," Elliot complimented, shooing his thoughts away.

"It's wonderful," Kathy agreed.

Olivia nodded and agreed that the food was simply delicious. She only had one plateful and you could barely call it thought. It didn't go unnoticed by Elliot but, he wasn't going to make a huge deal out of it. She was eating and that is what mattered.

"Present time!" Eli shouted hopping down from his seat and making a mad dash toward the tree.

"Wait a minute!" Kathy said, "I have to get my camera!"

While Kathy rummaged through her bag of clothes to find her camera, Elliot and Kathleen helped pass out the presents to their rightful owners. There were three gifts for each child, including Julie. She was touched by the motion because she knew the history with Kathy and Olivia. It wasn't always peachy.

When the paper started flying and the gifts started becoming revealed, Olivia couldn't help but smile. The looks that everyone was wearing brought joy to her heart and made her forget about all of the pain she was in. It was the little times like this that she would always remember. The times like this is what made her fight and got her through the toughest of times. A small tear sparked in her eye as Julie opened her last gift from Kathy.

It was a golden colored fleece blanket that had pictures sewn into it. The pictures were like a part of the blanket and Julie had no idea where Kathy got the pictures from or how Kathy managed to make this beautiful blanket.

"Kathy," Julie said walking up to her, "This is gorgeous… Thank you."

"You're welcome," Kathy smiled, "Your dad sent me the pictures and I knew just what I wanted to do with them."

Julie held the blanket out at arms with to show Olivia and the others what the blanket looked like. It had pictures of all of them on it. All of them were smiling and having a good time. Then in the middle there was the biggest picture which was one of Olivia and Julie making goofy faces.

Olivia smiled and gazed her eyes over to Kathy. She mouthed the words thank you because she didn't trust her voice. They blanket really had been a wonderful gift. It was thoughtful and it obviously had a lot of time put into it. It had been Julie's favorite gift from Kathy and she couldn't wait to snuggle under it while she was falling asleep that night.

The other children had amazing gifts too of course and they all loved what they were given. They each hugged their mother and told her they loved her. So far it was beginning to look like the best Christmas ever.


	25. Chapter 25

**Amanda4Meloni – Just a heads up on this chapter… Please don't be mad!**

**A/N Two chapters in one night! They were both short ones so I owe it to you.**

After presents had been taken to their rightful rooms and all the paper was picked up off the floor, the children all locked themselves in their rooms. They were all exhausted from being up all morning and all of them were nearly asleep by nine.

"Liv," Elliot asked seeing that Olivia was clutching her stomach, "Everything okay?"

Olivia was doubled over on the couch with her hands clutched tightly against her stomach. Her eyes were squeezed shut and Elliot wasn't sure what was going on. "Liv?" he asked again, "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," she said between breaths, "I'm dizzy…"

"Maybe you should lay down," Kathy suggested. She stood up from the couch and helped Olivia lay back against one of the pillows.

"What else?" Elliot asked.

Olivia just shook her head; she didn't want this to happen. Not on Christmas Eve. "My head hurts…"

Elliot was getting more worried by the minute. He knew that Olivia wouldn't admit to feeling badly unless it was really true. "Kathy, do me a favor?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

"In the bathroom in the medicine cabinet," he instructed, "There's a bottle of Liv's pain pills. Can you bring them to me?"

She nodded and took off to the bathroom on her mission. She had never seen Olivia break down like this before. Not even when she helped her come home from the hospital after her very first procedure the very first time she had the terrible disease.

"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered with her tears now falling, "I didn't want to ruin the night."

"Stop," Elliot demanded, "This isn't your fault. Okay?"

She took a sharp breath as another wave of pain hit her body and she felt her chest constrict. Her brow creased as the pained expression grew evident on her face.

"Here you go," Kathy said handing Elliot the pill bottle.

"Here," he said placing the two pills into Olivia's hand, "Take them. They'll help."

She popped the pills into her mouth and swallowed them without taking a sip of water. Her head was pounding and it amplified every little sound around her. Her ears were ringing and she felt this terrible pain in her chest whenever she tried to breathe.

She took a few slow breaths, trying to calm her nerves before she opened her eyes to stare into Elliot's. "My chest…" she said quietly, "It hurts…"

Elliot sighed and reached for her hand. He gave it a gentle squeeze and leaned down to give her a kiss on the temple, "I wish I could take your pain away," he said, "But I can't. Trust me, if I could, I would do it in a heartbeat."

"I don't know if I can do this anymore…"

Kathy was standing behind Elliot with tears now falling from her own eyes. Olivia Benson was an inspiration to her even if she didn't know it. Watching her right now fight for her life was the toughest thing Kathy had ever seen.

"That's what my love is for," Elliot whispered, kissing her again.

She let out a sob at that and Elliot gently wiped away her tears, "It's okay," he kept telling her, "Everything is going to be okay. You are going to get better and we won't ever have to look back again."

"I just need to cry," she said letting her silent tears fall, "I just need to let it out."

"It's okay," he said, "You can cry all night if you'd like. You have every right. You deserve a good cry."

"Mom?" Julie asked entering the living room, "I heard you crying… Are you okay?"

Olivia looked away from Elliot and over at Julie who had a worried look on her face, she sighed angrily wiping at her tears. They weren't meant for Julie to see. "I'm okay," she lied.

"Then why are you crying?"

"Jules…" Elliot said giving her a telling look.

"Are you in pain?" She walked further into the living room and stopped next to Kathy so she could be closer to Olivia. "Are you?"

"Julie, please," Elliot said a little more sternly this time.

Olivia squeezed his hand and he backed off. He knew that Julie was scared but, so was he. So was Olivia.

"It's just a bad night," Olivia said quietly, "I'll be okay."

Julie looked to Kathy who gave her a sad smile. "I wish I could do more for you," she said in a whisper, "I don't understand why God hates you so much. Why can't he just cure you?! I'm sorry that you're hurting," she said with her eyes glossing over, "I'm real sorry." She took off after that, running back up the stairs and hiding away in her room. Elliot sighed and Olivia just closed her eyes. She didn't want to be the one who caused Julie's pain.

"I'll talk to her," Kathy said stepping up to the plate, "You guys just take it easy."

** Next one won't be up tonight though.. it's a long chapter!**


	26. Chapter 26

"Can I come in?" Kathy asked as she opened Julie's door just a tad.

"I just want to be left alone," Julie spat, "Just go away."

Kathy sighed and pushed the door open a little further, hesitating as she made her way to Julie's bed. She wasn't sure what she was going to say. She just knew she needed to say something.

"You know..." she started, "When I was your age my mom and dad got a divorce."

"Stop," Julie said sadly, "You don't have to tell me some sad story to try and teach me some stupid moral." She sat up exposing her red swollen eyes and her nose that was full of snot, "Besides, this isn't even the same thing. I'm losing my mother..." She let out another chocked sobbed and Kathy wrapped her arms around her.

"She can still beat this," Kathy whispered as she ran her hand down Julie's back in a comforting manner, "She can still survive."

"She's in so much pain," Julie said through her tears, "Sometimes I don't know whether to ask God to take her or invent a new medicine or find the cure or something... I just don't know anymore."

"She is in a lot of pain," Kathy said letting Julie pull away, "But she is Olivia Benson. She's tough."

"She shouldn't have to be. It's not fair. I hear her crying all the time... It's scary. To think that she might die," Julie clarified wiping a slew of fresh tears away, "It's scary to think I could actually lose my mom."

"I bet," Kathy said, "I wish I could give you some reassurance but, I can't. All I can tell you is that if your mother passes away..." she took a moment to take a breath so her tears wouldn't fall down. "She won't be in pain anymore. She'll in heaven and she will always be watching over you. Always."

Julie sighed and moved the hair out of her face, "I don't even know if such a place even exists."

"Hey," Kathy said placing a hand on Julie's shoulder, "Don't talk like that. I know things are a little rough now but God is with you every step of the way. You have to believe that. He has helped Olivia this far and he can help her even further."

Julie shrugged, "I pray every night that she gets better..."

"So do I," Kathy whispered, "So do I."

"You really think she can still get better?" Julie asked with a glint of hope in her eyes.

Kathy nodded, "I do. I absolutely do."

She sighed, "I guess I should go down and talk to her... She's probably upset now because I was upset... She's always thinking about everybody else."

"She is," Kathy agreed, "Maybe you should give her a hug. She would like that."

Julie wiped her eyes and made sure her tears were all dried up before she made her way downstairs with Kathy and sat down in front of the couch where Olivia was still laying in pain. Elliot was in the kitchen fixing Olivia a small glass of ice water, hoping to help cool her high fever down.

"I love you," Julie said wrapping her arms around Olivia in a gentle way, "You just got to keep fighting a little while longer."

"I know," Olivia whispered reaching her hand to Julie's face, "I love you too. So much Jules. You might not understand until you have kids of your own someday... I hope you'll tell them about me."

"That's silly," Julie said with a lump rising in her throat, "You can tell them about yourself."

Olivia gave her a sad smile, "Okay... I will. I'm going to spoil them rotten."

Julie let out a small chuckle, "You will be one of those grandmas who gives them presents every time they come over."

"That's true," Olivia smiled, "I will definitely be doing that."

"Here you go," Elliot said holding a glass of ice-water in front of her and bending the straw towards her mouth. She began taking it from his hands but, he stopped her. "I got it," he said, "You need to stay resting. We need to try and get your fever down. It's 102 right now. If it gets any higher we should take you to the hospital."

"No," she moaned, "No hospital, El. It's Christmas Eve."

Julie gave her mother's hand a squeezed and started whispering, "Just focus on getting better. Christmas can wait until you're feeling better."

Olivia felt like breaking down in tears again right there. Here her daughter was, staying strong in a stressful time. Caring about others. Always knowing the right thing to say.

"You'll be a great detective someday..."

"There's no way I'm going to be a detective," Julie said, "Get some rest, okay? I'll camp out down here on the floor if I have to."

"You don't have to do that," Olivia whispered, "Go sleep in your bed. I'll be fine. Dad's going to be asleep with me."

"Promise that if Dad wants to take you to the hospital you'll go, okay?"

Olivia nodded, "Okay Sweetheart. I love you."

"I love you too," Julie said and gave Olivia a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight. Merry Christmas Eve."

Julie trudged up the stairs again, trying to force the images of Olivia in pain out of her head. She didn't want to think about it anymore. She just wanted to remember the good times. The times when Julie would run home from school and Olivia would be there with a snack waiting to hear all about Julie's day. When their schedule didn't revolve around doctor's appointments and whether Olivia was feeling up to having family night. She missed the way Olivia put a smile on her face no matter how she was feeling. She would give anything to have those days again.

She sighed, not wanting to cry again that night. She climbed under her new blanket and snuggled against her pillow. She folded her hands in her lap and started praying.

"Dear Whoever Is Listening, my mom is in a lot of pain. Her whole life has really been a pain. All her life she has devoted herself to others. Worrying about how others feel and if others are safe. She protects them. She cares for them. She saved me from my mother. I was just a little girl and my real mom couldn't keep me so, Olivia adopted me. I have had the best life anyone could ask for... Except for now. Now she's dying and there isn't a thing anyone can do. So I'm asking... Please; please help her beat this. Nobody deserves to go through this but, especially not her. Hasn't she been through enough?"

She stopped talking and turned out the lamp that was on the bedside table. She stared out into the window at the feathered snow flakes falling to the ground. "Goodnight," she whispered into the air.


	27. Chapter 27

**Amanda4Meloni – I figured that I make her the enemy in enough of my stories, haha! It was time to be nice...**

**Sarah501B – Sorry to hear about your godmother. I hope things are going well for her!**

Julie woke up the next morning excited to open her presents from Elliot and Olivia. She knew that they had gotten her a certain CD and she couldn't wait to put it in the CD player and listen to it. She was also excited to have Olivia's famous sticky buns for breakfast. It had came a tradition over the past few years that after presents were opened, Olivia would made her famous sweet treats. Sticky buns were just biscuits mixed with cinnamon and butter and popped into the microwave. It was Julie's favorite.

She flew the covers off of her as the light beamed down on her from the window and slipped on her fuzzy pink slippers to rush down the steps and into the living room. She was startled at all the people who were crowded around in the living room. Usually she was the first one awake and it stumbled her that they were all awake.

"What's going on?" Julie asked as she made her way into the small crowd.

Kathleen turned around to look at her and her eyes revealed that something wasn't right. They were red and swollen and it looked like she had been crying for quite some time.

"Where's Mom?" Julie asked getting a little scared. Her heart was hammering inside her chest and she was afraid everybody else could hear it.

"Julie..." Kathy said sadly, "Your dad called an ambulance to take her to the hospital."

"Why?" she asked in a shaky voice. She could already feel her eyes burning.

Kathy sighed, she didn't want to be the one to tell Julie the bad news. It was Christmas day and it was suppose to be a good time. A time to celebrate with family. Not have to worry about them dying.

"She got worse last night and she had a hard time breathing," Kathy began quietly, "Elliot decided it was best to take her to the hospital so he called an ambulance. Olivia told us not to wake you... she wanted you to get some rest."

Julie had to sit down on the couch in order for her not to fall over. Her knees went weak after she had heard. "She couldn't breathe...?"

Maureen sat down next to her on the couch and wrapped an arm around her, "She was just having a rough time. She's at the hospital now and they can help her feel better. It'll be okay."

Julie shook her head hard as the tear drops raced down her rosy cheeks, "No it won't! It won't be okay!"

"Shh," Maureen said pulling her tighter, "It will be. It'll all be okay."

Kathy's heart was breaking for Julie. She had lost her parents a few years back and it was devastating. As is every loss in a family. But Julie was only 14. Still so young and so innocent. She hadn't yet learned enough about the world to have her mother taken from her. She still needed Olivia there to fix her hair at prom and help out with her wedding. It was just too soon. Kathy wished she knew the right words to say. She wished she knew the words that would make Julie's pain go away.

"We aren't opening the presents," Julie said in a near whisper, "We have to wait for her."

Maureen wiped Julie's tear stained cheeks and gave her a sad smile, "Wouldn't dream of opening them without her."

"We can go to the hospital later today if you'd like," Kathy said, "If she's feeling up to visitors."

Julie nodded.

"Don't worry," Dickie said to her, "Your mom is The Olivia Benson. She's going to get through this whether you believe it right now or not."

"I know," Julie said forcing a small smile onto her face, "She's tough."

"I feel real bad for her," Lizzie said to Maureen later that day, "Olivia doesn't deserve this and neither does Julie."

"Yeah," Kathy sighed, "But there isn't anything more we can do. We just have to be there for them. If Olivia does pass away... Julie's going to need us then more than ever."

Lizzie knew what happened to most teenagers who lost their mother or so she thought. She once had to right a paper about it in her psychology class and after that she thought she was an expert.

"Children under the age of sixteen who lose their parents are more likely to become depressed," she stated after she took a swig of her tea that was in her hand.

"Like I said, we will have to be there for her. Make sure she knows that she has all of us to lean on."

"Stop."

Kathy and Lizzie both turned around to see Julie standing there with an angry expression on her face. "Stop talking about me behind my back. Stop treating my like a little kid who is going to break at any moment. My mother is dying. Stop."

"Julie..."

"Stop! Just stop!" Julie took off running toward the front door without her jacket or gloves or anything to keep her warm. She was only wearing jean pants and a sweatshirt with tennis shoes.

"Julie!" Lizzie yelled, "Come back!"

Julie just took off. She ran down the driveway and ran past the trail that she had became familiar with. She ran until her chest burned from the cold temperatures. The wind slammed against her face causing her face to burn and her tears to feel frozen.

"Excuse me," she said stopping in front of an elderly woman, "Can you tell me where the nearest hospital is? I'm kind of lost."

"Just right up that hill," the lady smiled, "Are you hurt?"

Julie shook her head, "No, thank you." She continued running up the hill as the wind still chilled her body. She ran into the hospital and finally stopped and to catch her breath at the reception desk.

"Can I help you?"

"Olivia Benson," Julie stated, "Can you tell me what room she's in?"

The lady typed something into the computer and then looked up to Julie with a thin smile, "Room 203. 3rd floor."

Julie nodded and made her way to the elevator. She ran her hands against each other trying to heat them up because she was freezing. She was berating herself for not grabbing her jacket before storming off like that.

When the elevator dinged for the 3rd floor Julie stepped off and walked down the hallway until she reached the right room number. She knew that after she explained to her parents how she had gotten there they would be angry. She wasn't even allowed to cross the street in New York by herself.

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door, waiting for the go ahead to come in.

"Julie?" Elliot exclaimed as he saw her step into the room, "What are you doing here? How did you get here?" He jumped out of his chair and wrapped his arms around her because he could see she was shivering.

"I wanted to see Mom," she answered simply, "And I walked. Well... ran."

"Jules..."

"Please don't yell at me!" she begged, "I just wanted to see Mom! I can't be at home while she's here! It's Christmas! I'm sorry and I won't ever do it again!"

"I'm not going to yell," Elliot said calmly.

"Jules?" The question came from Olivia who had been asleep when she walked in. She was now awake and aware of what was going on.

"Hi Mom," Julie said stepping up to the hospital bed.

"Hi," Olivia said weakly, "Where's your jacket?"

"At home," Julie answered bowing her head, "I just took off in a rush..."

Olivia frowned, "Next time you better remember your jacket. It's freezing outside." She reached up to grab Julie's hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Merry Christmas," Julie said with tears in her eyes yet again.

"Merry Christmas," Olivia whispered.

Elliot had stepped away from the hospital room leaving Julie and Olivia alone so he could get a breath of fresh air. He was leaning against the brick wall with his head bowed and his eyes closed. It was becoming too much to handle. He couldn't keep pretending that everything was okay when clearly it wasn't. He was lying to everyone around him lately. Telling them that he was okay. Telling Julie that Olivia was okay. Tell them straight lies. He couldn't take it anymore. He was trying to be there for everybody and nobody was there for him. Olivia was trying. When she was awake she would talk to him and ask him if he was okay and how he was feeling. She would also apologize every chance she got. He hated that. She shouldn't be apologizing for something she couldn't control. It wasn't her fault.

He sighed and shook his head, pushing himself of the wall with his hands and walking back into the warmth of the hospital.

When he reached room 203, he saw Olivia's oncologist standing next to her bedside with Olivia's chart in her hand.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I don't think I can do this anymore," Olivia cried, "I don't."

"Hey," Elliot said rushing to her side and taking her hand, "You can. You can do this. Just take my hand and together... together we can do this."

Olivia shook her head as her tears flowed steadily, "Anne says that the tumor is shrinking."

Elliot nodded, "That's good, Liv. Th-that's great!"

Olivia just shook her head, "There's still some left and she doesn't think the chemo or the radiation is going to work."  
Elliot looked to Anne, "Then what do we do?"

Anne cleared her throat and gave them all a sympathetic smile, "We can do a mastectomy. Or we could stop... with everything... and let the tumor grow until it's big enough to take out by itself."

Elliot looked to Olivia who was too busy crying to listen to what Anne was saying. Julie was standing by the window looking out into the white cascade of land. All she wanted for Christmas was a miracle. She just wanted someone to save her mother.

"Liv?" Elliot asked wiping her tears with his thumb, "What do you want to do?"

"I don't want to do it anymore," she said toughening her voice up, "I can't. My family's life is being ruined because of this. I don't want to do it anymore."

Anne nodded and she respected Olivia's decision. Her own mother had made the decision nearly fifteen years ago. "Then yesterday was your last chemotherapy appointment. I will sign your discharge papers and you will be free to go."

"What about the pain?" Elliot asked, "Will that go away? From the chemo?"

Anne nodded, "She shouldn't feel anymore pain. The tumor is very small so it shouldn't cause any discomfort."

"I'm going to be better," Olivia said with a smile forced onto her face.

Julie knew better though. She knew what was going to happen. She had read tons of stories about people with cancer and watched plenty of movies to know that there was never a happy ending. She knew enough about her mother's life to know that miracles didn't just happen. Good things didn't just happen.

"So that's it?" Julie asked with anger evident in her voice, "You went through all of that... to just go home and let it grow back? Get bigger? More aggressive?"

"Jules..." Olivia said in a whisper, "I know you don't understand... I don't blame you. This is what's best."

"What's best?" she asked, "What's best? How can you say that? You have cancer!"

"Julie," Olivia said with her sorrow very clear, "I'm going to get better."


	28. Chapter 28

**Two Months Later**

"How was school?" Olivia asked as Julie walked through the door and threw her backpack onto the kitchen table.

"Same as always," she sighed, "How was your day?"

Olivia shrugged, "It was good," she smiled, "I went to the store and I got some stuff for your birthday."

Julie's eyes grew big, "You know you want to let me see early!"

"No, I don't," Olivia teased, "Just know that you are going to like it."

"Come on," Julie begged, "My birthday is two weeks away!"

"Have you handed out your invitations yet?"

"Yeah," Julie answered, "Hailey is definitely going to come and Rachel is asking her mom. Kristina says she isn't working that weekend so that's a yes from her and Jordyn, Alix, Marcy, and Jocelyn are still pending."

"Pending," Olivia repeated, "Nice word."

"Thanks," Julie smiled, "I'm getting really smart you know. I've been studying for that spelling bee coming up. I'm trying to read the dictionary from cover to cover."

"Oh yeah?" Olivia asked surprise, "That's pretty boring."

Julie laughed, "I want to win that trophy."

"You'll do just fine," Olivia said, "Why don't you go ahead and do your homework though because I have a small surprise for you later tonight."

"Okay," Julie said sitting down at the table and taking out her math book. "How was your doctor's appointment today?"

Every two weeks since Christmas Olivia would go to the hospital to see how the tumor was growing. It was still small but, it was growing. Olivia wished it would just go away. Just disappear into thin air. She sighed, "It was good."

"What does that mean?"

She sighed again and pulled the chair out next to Julie at the table, "It's growing. Which is what the doctor wants... so that we can do the surgery and take it out but..."

"But you don't want it to grow," Julie stated sadly, "You want it to go away."

"Yeah," she whispered, "I thought it would."  
"Don't cry," Julie said, "Please. It's a good thing that it's growing... Then the doctor can take it out and it will be gone forever."  
"I know," Olivia said with a sad smile, "I know."

Julie sat her pencil down and got up to wrap her arms around Olivia's neck. "It'll be okay," Julie whispered, "I prayed."  
That sent Olivia into hysterics. She remembered having a talk with Julie a long time ago about her beliefs and Elliot's beliefs and how they didn't believe in the same thing. She also remembered telling Julie that it was okay for her to believe in anything she wanted. She hadn't heard about religion again from Julie and she wondered what Julie decided to believe in. She sort of hoped that she would take after Elliot. Elliot always had a sense of safety when it came to his religion.

"I gotta go," Elliot said as he slapped his palm on the corner of Cragen's desk, "Julie called me."

"Everything alright?"  
Elliot shrugged, "I don't know."

He raced his way outside and into his car so he could race through the traffic and get home to Julie. She had called him called him in hysterics and he was barely able to understand a word she was saying. He told her to calm down and tell him what was wrong but, she just told him to come home. So now here he was, speeding on the highway and dodging all of the yellow cars that got in his way. A million thoughts were racing through his head.

"Jules!" he yelled as he walked into the building.

"Dad!" she exclaimed jumping off the couch and wrapped her arms around him. She nested her cheek into his chest and her tears soaked through his shirt.

"Where's Mom?" he asked fearing for the worst.

"I don't know," she said in a shaky voice, "She told me she was feeling a little tired but, she had to pick a few things up from the market. I was doing my homework but then I remembered I needed to get cookies for school. I called her on the cell and she didn't answer. She hasn't called back yet. I keep..." She lost it as she thought about something happening to Olivia when she was by herself.

"It's okay," Elliot said soothing her, "We will walk to the market to look for her, okay?" He wiped her tears with his thumbs and handed her her jacket so they could walk down the street."

As the entered the market they looked around to see if there was any sign of Olivia. They couldn't see her through the small crowd so they started walking down the aisles. There were only two left and Elliot was now beginning to worry.

"Mom!"

Elliot turned his head to see Julie running up toward Olivia and attacking her with a huge hug, "Why didn't you answer the phone?!"

Olivia reached into her pocket where her phone normally was, then reached into the other pocket. "I guess I left it at home," she chuckled, "What's the matter?"

"I thought something had happened," Julie said quietly, hating to admit that.

"Jules..." Olivia whispered, "I'm sorry... I didn't think about that-"

"You said you were tired," Julie went on to say as she slowly backed away from Olivia, "I thought that meant... I uh- I just... I panicked."

"I'm sorry," Olivia said again sitting her basket full of items down on the floor, "I really am. I shouldn't have worried you like that."

"I think I had a panic attack," Julie said in a voice barely above a whisper.

Elliot wasn't even sure she had said anything at first. "You what?"

"I think I had a panic attack," she repeated a little bit louder.

"Why do you think that?" Olivia asked becoming concerned.

"When you didn't answer... I left a message but then after I hung up I started thinking about what could have happened... I just started crying and then... I couldn't breathe."

Olivia sighed and bit her bottom lip. She was listening to Julie talk but, she wasn't really hearing her. How could she listen to this when she was the one causing all of Julie's problems? All of Elliot's problems?

"Don't," Julie said before Olivia even had the chance to say anything, "Don't start blaming yourself."  
"I'm not," she lied, "But listen to me Jules. I'm getting better, okay? Everything is going how the doctor's planned. I'm going to be alive for a long time. So... try not to worry so much? I know that's hard... I know..."

"I'll try," Julie said with a very small smile, "For you."

Olivia wrapped her arms around Julie again and brought her closer to her, "I love you," she whispered, "I'm sorry you were scared."

"I love you too," Julie said through her tears.

Again, Elliot was standing by. Watching the two people who were closest to his heart, break down. He could feel himself breaking down too. Maybe not in tears and hysterics. Maybe not in front of everyone but, he was definitely breaking down. Nobody noticed when he barely ate dinner at the table. They hadn't noticed how much weight he had lost. He was hiding it by wearing baggy clothes. How could he eat at a time like this? His stomach couldn't handle it. He shouldn't be feeling well and being healthy when his wife wasn't. He shouldn't be the strong one while she's so weak. He wanted to take her place. He would give anything to take away her pain.

"Let's get you two home," Elliot said picking the basket off the floor and heading for the check out line.

**A/N The story is almost finished. It is a lovely story and I have the perfect ending in mind. I hope you guys are still following the story and are still loving it!**


	29. Chapter 29

Today was the big day. The day they had been waiting for for awhile now. Everybody was nervous as they drove silently in the car on the way to the hospital. This was the day that Olivia would get the tumor taken out. With good luck, it would work and her cancer would be gone. With bad luck... she could die during the process.

Elliot was holding Olivia's hand gently rested against her thigh, trying to calm down any of the worries she was feeling. They had only talked about the operation a little bit but, they didn't go into detail about how the other was feeling.

"I'm scared," Olivia admitted quietly as she kept her eyes focused outside the passenger's window.

"You can do this," he assured her, "You can. The surgery will be a success and we won't ever have to look back at this."

She shook her head and held back a sob, "What if it isn't? What if something happens and I die..."

"Don't think like that," Julie spoke up from the backseat, "Don't you always tell me that if you talk negative, negative will find a way? Don't you always tell me to keep my head up because I'm fearless? That applies to you too. You're fearless. You are full of fearlessness."

Olivia gave her daughter a thin smile for trying. She was still scared though. Nothing would stop that. She couldn't help but think that this was the last time she would see her daughter. The daughter she waited so long to get to love. The last time she would see her husband. Her husband who she waited so long to be able to have.

"She's right," Elliot said, "You are fearless."

Olivia sighed and continued to look out the window at the scenery passing bye. It was like the world had completely changed. Right when she heard the diagnosis for the second time... it was like her world had came to a complete stop. She was standing there; all alone, while the world kept on turning. Other people kept on smiling. Cars kept on honking. She didn't understand. She didn't think she ever would.

Elliot turned into the parking garage closest to the hospital and pulled into a parking space on the second level. He turned the car off but didn't make a move on getting out. He knew Olivia would need some pep talking before they went in.

"Look at me," he said kindly.

Olivia turned her head so that her scared brown eyes were staring into his blue.

"You. Can. Do. This. People come through this all of the time and they aren't near as strong as you are. And you are strong. Maybe the strongest person ever."

Olivia smiled at that. She liked feeling like she couldn't be defeated. She needed the reassurance that she could come out on top.

"The doctors will go in, do the surgery, and you will come out just fine. Julie and I will be right there next to you when you wake up."  
"No," Olivia said shaking her head, "You guys go home and sleep in your beds. I probably won't wake up until tomorrow anyways. I'll be fine."

"Not happening," Julie said in a very serious voice.

"Jules-"

"We're staying here," she said standing her ground, "Right, Dad?"

"Right."

Olivia sighed, she knew she wasn't going to win. It was a good thing though because in all honesty, she needed them. She always needed them. They are who lifted her up when she was weak. They are who kept her going when she just wanted to give up. They are who loved her through it all.

"This is it," Olivia said with her eyes turning pink, "It's now or never."

"You can do this," Elliot said.

She nodded and then broke the gaze they had held to open the door and step out. "I can do this," she said to herself.

Anne had met Olivia up in a room where Olivia was instructed to change into a hospital gown and rest in the bed. She was hooked up to an IV and they checked all of her vitals to make sure she was doing okay.

"You nervous?" Anne asked as she checked Olivia's blood pressure.

"A little," she nodded. She wasn't going to let Anne know how scared she actually was.

"I know it's scary," Anne said, "But I have patients who get this surgery everyday. Half of them aren't near as tough as you and they come out alive. If they can do it... I know you can."

Olivia smiled, "Thank you, Anne."

"Anytime." She took the blood pressure cuff off after she was finished and placed it back on the rack where it belonged.

"They OR's ready," Anne said placing her hand on Olivia's shoulder, "Are you ready?"

Olivia nodded. She was as ready as she was going to get.

"I love you," Elliot said as he kissed her on the cheek and tucked a small piece of hair into the scrub hat that was covering her head. Her hair had grown back once they had stopped the chemo and now it was long enough to form a small pony tail. When Olivia had reached that milestone she was sure the smile she had one would remain etched into her face.

"Fearlessness," Julie repeated as she gave her mother a kiss, "You can do this."

Olivia smiled sadly, "I love you, Jules. I love you times infinity."

"I know," Julie smiled not wanting her tears to fall, "I love you too. Times infinity. Squared."  
Olivia laughed. She always left it up to Julie when she needed a good laugh.

"Okay," Anne said after they had all said what they needed to say, "Let's get rid of this bitch cancer."

"Let's do it."


	30. Chapter 30

**This is the chapter! It's truly now or never! **

"Okay Olivia," the anesthesiologist said, "Count backward from ten." He placed the mask over her face and she started counting as she was instructed.

"Ten, nine... eight... seve..."

"Okay," the anesthesiologist announced to the surgical team, "She's under."

In the waiting room, Elliot and Julie were waiting not so patiently. Julie was pacing back and forth and Elliot was tapping his foot against the ground as he messed with a loose string on his jeans. Elliot had been texting Fin and the rest of the squad to keep them in the loop along with his children and Kathy. Now it was just a waiting game.

Hours passed and the clocked ticked loudly in Julie's ear as she grew even more antsy. "It's been an hour," she sighed, "They haven't given us an update yet. That can't be good."

"It means she's still alive," Elliot said remaining on the positive side. "Keep calm."

She sighed again and slumped down in the chair next to Elliot. "Sorry," she said quietly, "I know you're worried too."

"Yeah," he sighed.

"Are you okay?" Julie asked as she inspected the small beads of sweat forming at Elliot's hairline, "You don't look too well."

"I'm fine," he answered, "Just nervous."

"You're really sweating," she pointed out, "Maybe you should drink some water. I'll go get you one from the machine."

"Yeah... okay."

Julie reached into her pant pocket and pulled out a crumpled up dollar bill that had been stuffed in there for who knows how long. She straightened it out the best she could and made her way to the small area just down the hall. After several tries of trying to get the machine to accept her dollar, it finally did and she pressed the button for the water to come out. She picked it up and took it back quickly to Elliot.

"Dad?" she said with panic in her voice. She dropped the bottle to the ground and rushed over to Elliot who was now lying flat on the floor. "Dad!" She shook him vigorously trying to get him to open his eyes. "Somebody help!"

A nurse came rushing in and asked Julie what had happened. She filled the lady in blue scrubs in on what she knew and soon after that Elliot was being lifted onto a gurney and carried to the emergency room. They told Julie to stay put so now there she sat all by herself. She leaned back against the white brick wall and brought her knees up to her chest. Both of her parents were now on the line and she had no clue how they were doing. Her tears steadily fell down her face as she sobbed quietly into her knees.

"Julie?"

The soft voice of Anne, Olivia's oncologist, startled Julie and brought her out of her sleep. She wiped her eyes and sat up quickly.

"My Mom?"

"She's okay," Anne smiled, "She's in the recovery ward right now and we were able to get the whole tumor."

Julie let out a sob of happiness. Suddenly she was overcome with emotions and she didn't know what to do. "Thank you!" she cheered as she jumped out of her seat and flew her arms around the doctor, "Thank you so much."

Anne hugged her back and also told her about her dad. "It seems he was a little malnourished. A little stressed out but, it's okay now. He's doing fine and we managed to put him in a room with your mom. You can go see them now if you'd like."

"Yes," Julie nodded, "Please."

"I'll show you the way."

Before Julie walked in she thanked Anne once more and told her she had it from there. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes before going into the room. She said a little prayer of thanks before she went in to see them. Today had been the scariest and happiest day of her life. Just a short while ago she didn't know if she was going to lose both of her parents. Anything could have happened. She wasn't going to give up though. She knew her parents were tougher than that. She knew what they were both about. They were Detectives Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson. Two of New York's finest. They were her heroes. The people she would always look up to. The people she would love forever.

"Sorry Jules," Elliot mumbled from his hospital bed, "I didn't mean to scare you. I don't know what happened."

"It's okay," she said walking to his side so she could see him better, "It's okay. Everybody's safe now."

"You've been such a good kid through all of this," Elliot said as he took her hand, "You're so grown up."

Julie smiled, "I'm still a kid dad. I'll always be your kid."

Elliot smiled. Julie was right, he would always have her as his kid and nobody could take that away. Elliot's eyes slowly closed as the medicine they had given him took over his body. Julie wasn't scared anymore so she let him rest. She turned around to Olivia's hospital bed and pulled up a chair. The tubes coming out of her mouth were a little frightening to Julie but, she knew they were only temporary. She reached over the railing to Olivia's hand and gently held it in her own.

"You did it, Mom," she whispered. "You did it. I always knew you could. You're so strong and sometimes I don't think you see that. But you did it. It's all over now. The tumor is gone. You did it."

Julie felt the slightest squeeze of her hand and her face lit up, "Fearless," she whispered, "You are fearless."

** A/N I just want to say thank you for all of the reviews so far! This has been my most reviewed story on here and I cannot thank you enough! Thanks for still sticking with me through the story! P.S. There's one final chapter.**


	31. Chapter 31

**12 Years Later**

"Addison! Come on, we're going to go sledding!" Little footprints sounded down the hallway of the winter cabin that Julie now owned along with her husband, Blake. The three year old ran as fast as she could down the hallway with her father chasing after her. Her dark brown curls bouncing against her shoulders as she went.

"Mommy, do we get chocolate when we come in?" Her innocent eyes pleaded at Julie as she begged.

"Yes," Julie smiled, "So we can warm up quicker. It's pretty cold outside."

"Okay, Mama. Let's go!" Addison tugged on Julie's pant leg as she tried to pull her mother to the door.

"Go wait with Daddy and Grandpa outside," Julie instructed, "I'll be there in a minute."  
"Okay." Addison trotted outside with all of her winter gear on and went to load up the truck with the sleds.

Julie turned around where she was standing and faced the Christmas tree. It was the exact same Christmas tree that stood there every year for twelve years now. It had became a tradition to spend two weeks at the cabin when the winter break for school was in session. She looked at the lights as she thought back to that Christmas twelve years ago. The Christmas that changed her and made her who she is today.

She met her husband, Blake, in college while she was taking classes to become an oncologist. Her mother had inspired her beyond anything else in the world and she knew it was the perfect job to have. She wanted to help others who had this terrible disease just like Anne had helped her mom. They married after their first year of dating and Olivia was there to walk her down the aisle. She had always dreamed of her wedding day, ever since she was a little girl. There would be pink flowers and the puffiest white dress she could find. Her real wedding had been much different.

_White roses lined the church down the rows of pews that would soon be filled with people. The bridesmaid dresses were a soft purple color and her dress was an eggshell white. It was a simple yet very elegant dress that flowed out toward the bottom and dragged along the floor._

_ "This is it," Olivia whispered as she smiled from ear to ear, "You're getting married."_

_ Julie smiled as she held her tears back, not wanting to ruin her make-up. "Do you think I'm doing the right thing?"_

_ "I think," Olivia began, "That you are doing the best thing. If this is what you want... If this is what your heart is telling you... then you are doing the best thing."_

_ Julie nodded and pulled Olivia in for a hug, "I'm so glad you're able to be here today," she whispered with the tears clogging her throat, "You don't know how much this means to me."  
Olivia patted her own the back, "You aren't suppose to cry on you wedding day," she chuckled. She moved a piece of Julie's curled hair behind her ear and sniffed, "Now get out there. You have a man to marry."_

It was a day Olivia would never forget. She didn't think she would be able to see Julie walk down the aisle to her future. Let alone still be alive and well when Julie had her first child, her grandchild. Julie and Blake came up with the perfect way to surprise her and Elliot by having them open a pinata filled with baby supplies. Elliot and Olivia both had been in shock.

Life after Olivia had dealt with her cancer seemed to be much more happier and worth something. It wasn't about fighting the bad everyday. It was about experiencing the good. It was about family and loving the ones your with. Julie always told Addison that family was forever no matter how far away they were.

"Mommy!" Addison whined as she marched into the house dragging in some snow behind her, "Come on! I want to sled!"

"We have to wait for Grandma," Julie said to her, "Calm down."

"But Mommy! I want to go sledding now!"

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" Olivia said rushing down the steps. "I couldn't find my other boot!"

Addison laughed, "Grandma, you're silly."

"You're silly," Olivia said scooping Addison up into her arms and kissing her all over.

Addison just kept giggling and Julie stood there watching, in amazement that this had become her life.

"Can we go sledding now, Mommy?"

"Yes Addie," Olivia answered before Julie even had the chance, "We can go sledding now."

"Well let's go!"

Olivia went ahead of Julie and out the door with Addison on her hip so she could place her in her car seat. They were driving a few blocks away to a big hill where everyone in the area went sledding when there was a good snow.

Julie wasn't ready quite just yet. She just needed a few minutes to take it all in. She turned around to the tree again, taking in it's beauty. She looked around at the ornaments that had been collected over the years and one of them had caught her eye.

It was the picture she had taken twelve years ago with Carrie Underwood and her mom. It had been her favorite picture and she had treasured it forever. Some nights when she would get scared or she was upset she would sleep with the picture under her pillow and it always seemed to help. Now it was hanging in a plastic frame, right in the center of the tree. She smiled to herself, remembering the day.

"You are the slowest person ever," Olivia teased tracking back inside, "What are you still waiting on?"

Julie turned around, a bit startled. "I was just looking at the picture," she answered. "Do you remember that day?"

Olivia stepped next to Julie and wrapped an arm around her. "Of course. I'll never forget the smile on your face when you opened the door. It was priceless."

Julie smiled, embarrassed. "That was a great gift," she said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked seeing that something was clearly bothering her.

"Nothing," Julie said pulling Olivia even tighter into the hug, "Absolutely nothing."

**...So sadly that was the end. The story is finished. There will not be a sequel because I suck at writing sequels and I think this story ended on a good note. What do you think?!**


End file.
